Welll ... 31-12-98 and this is woefulllly out of date the index aint accurate and several recent txt files which I'll combine into one ?? with descriptive file names ... WHY .. internet! ..... send email to self! (or htm to my "website" all free - weeeeird! ... can ya send zip ?? oh well ... so these as a bit of a "last resort ?? ... hmmm..... then send self updates - mate! We had a .... Oh just do it ....
The emails will all be at hotmail so think .... May even do HTM of poems ??
Includin newie "Therapy" ??
And ok TXT wipes all formatting but really you can't have everything ...
Argh ! Oct 98 and I realise some addits aint goin in here! but into
"Print These.DOC" or add ons.txt or more ideas.txt .. oh well I never actually...
.... AND NOW TAFE.DOC FOR DOT MATRIX ?? and quotes - and now stax off internet ... argh.......
*** Now late sept 98 - amended the Poems Tables and edited and added ...sheee
so put all poems at end of file. Seee also "Print These" compilations! and the
add ons.txt which should be ongoing ... boy! Then again I never.....
Now..... Commonwealth Rehabilitation Service.doc and more poems at end ????
Didn't take me too long ?? to realise hey, what if combine files and compare sizes ... welll very first attempt 20K + 22K becomes 23K !!! Not to mention ** Font size??
and the 8 poems in one idea shee... oh well......
***** Combine a few on one page for Lounge print outs......
I ought to label each! with at least a heading!
Index: I have combined the following -
DIGITALLY ENHANCED REALITY (which has 3 poems!)
SHORT POEMS.DOC which has 8 or 9 - some of which ended up in 8-poems in PUB & DOC format! I sure can confuse myself!
8-POEMS - also see end of index - 8 More Poems !
PURE NONSENSE - some of which ended up ad digitally poem ! but some did not!
Dandy details - from 1st Internest effort
Changes - which ended up the ONLY one printed out in session where we learn of sponsors?? and change of direction for Newsletter ??
Schizophrenia & The Internet - minus the graphic! added HUGELY to size ??
More Ideas.TXT - which has some poem ideas as well as others!
ToDoNow!.TXT which alters a lot.....
October Footy Update where I predict Demons to beat Saints!
Prophecy & Prediction - the start of an idea
My-Zen came after Mormons !!!
Saints - even before the Demons article !!!
Sept Footy Update that sparked saints article!
Unpoken at Midnight from Gilbert
Queensland 1998 details and preparations
Confusion Poem
Murphy's Laws Updated - had embeded graphics of "screen beans"
Favourite Song Lyrics
Windows 95 tips - only about scandisk & defrag - why bother
$SHORT STORY.DOC which was the ideas and "plan" for it!
Pathways to Madness (a section out of the Journey document)
$$UPLOAD - neeeeds to be updated
Mt Eliza Hands - not the double Limits ??
Publisher tips - early version ??
Food for Thought 1 & 2
Things we can learn from a dog
Profile
Yarra
Tull Review
Hawking's Universe Part 1 & 2
Sarah Mahjong Score
Classic Albums (Fleetwood Mac)
Computer Troubles
Imagine That!
8 More Poems - just about covers all the ones NOT in the other formats......
...... onto page 2........
More Big Questions
People I & II
Opinion Page
Changes and other poems - in Table format
Crows article! boy! read!
Lives of our Days
We all feel the sun's rays
Many hear the poet's phrase
Some will wander all their days
Could we find enough to praise
Mania
My brain is charged with electric force
I feel as if I could walk through walls
I'm not mad and I'm not insane
I have lions and tigers in my brain
Why
Why do we wish for things
That cannot be
Why do we send people
Into the dark sea
Why do we tell ourselves
It will be alright
Why do we find reasons
To start a fight
Why do we live this way
Why do we wait for better days
Some
Some will live their famous lives
Some will try to drain the hives
Some find labels hard to read
Some think that they can lead
Some toil on without a light
Some should never try to fight
Some will change their own names
Some would like to feed the flames
Meditation with Distractions
Life is stranger than an onion sandwich
Life is a stranger in the dark
Life is a bit like lunch with an ostrich
Life is an unexpected spark
Untitled and Incomplete
I was born in the next of dreams
I was dead or so it seems
I have seen your thirteenth name
I could never feel the same
Enigma
I fell out of the world
I saw flags unfurled
I felt no need for explanation
I screamed in silent jubilation
I felt cosmic energy in my veins
I opened my house to flooding rains
I threw candles into the wind
I pulled ideas out of a hat
I became everything and everyone
I lived inside the rising sun
I was granted each and every wish
Then I woke up and fed the fish
Out of Time
Time drips slowly
People looking lonely
Time folds backwards
In psychiatric wards
I was born in a land of dreams
I was born to sew the seams
I could never find my name
I would never play the game
Poems by Geoff Allen
Now, some of this went into 8-poems but some didn't & see More Ideas.TXT ??
** More Ideas.TXT has you guessed it more ideas!!
Geoff Allen
Dandy Details!
Oh plus! It was 9/9/98 - a year from now I don't know if I'd wanna be on a PC ???
Boy! They normally don't allow Start Menu! I did export registry! but Network means no way you can find password etc ?? NOT to even mention Karma !!?? Hmm.....
Save as TXT from the menu but TAFE is far better!
- Access to Office etc
- 10 cents a page (well, free at Leonard)
- $1.50 for a disk and cant ever use your own and re-use on theirs!
Wrote WHY.DOC AND rewrote Time drips - puns on so & sew, seems & seams - pity is nobody but me sees the ironic twists oh well.....
(Plus! one verse is in "Untitled" the other is in "Out of Time" hmmm....)
I aint impartial but I reckon a lot of mine is better than those that won the comps? - money ??
Do article - mention Search engines; sites; poems; Leonard soon ??...
Not to mention JOBS AFL EDUCAT ETC ETC......
Schizophrenia and the Internet
I was in Dandenong Library the other day and I decided to check out the Internet. You can book a computer for an hour at no charge. However, if you wish to download anything or save some information onto a floopy disk, you have to pay $1.50 for a blank disk. This is probably intended as a means to minimise the chance of a virus getting onto the computers.
For anyone who wants to do the same, it is relatively simple to use the software. If you want to search on a particular subject (such as "Schizophrenia") you click on the button marked "Search". Then you type in the words to search for and the search engine will scan the Internet for you. It comes up with a list of sites that might be of interest to you. These are generally highlighted in a different colour and look something like HTTP://WWW.SCHIZOPHRENIA.COM
You simply move your pointer to the highlighted name and click on it. You are then connected to that site and can checkout what is on offer.
I found that there were quite a few sites around that focussed on Schizophrenia, some right here in Australia. One of them featured writings and poems and even pictures created by people with schizophrenia. I found one poem written back in 1793-1864 by John Clare.
John Clare lived in England in the early nineteenth century. He spent much of his troubled life in Northampton County Asylum and would probably have been given a diagnosis of schizophrenia today. 'I am' is extraordinarily evocative of the personal impact of having a mental illness, at a time when treatment was almost non-existent.
I am. . .
I am! yet what I am who cares or knows?
My friends forsake me like a memory lost.
I am the self-consumer of my woes;
They rise and vanish, an oblivious host,
Shadows of life, whose vey soul is lost.
And yet I am - I live - though I am toss'd
Schizophrenia and the Internet Page 2
Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dream,
Where there is neither sense of life, nor joys,
But the huge shipwreck of my own esteem
And all that's dear. Even those I loved the best
Are strange - nay, they are stranger than the rest.
I long for scenes where man has never trod -
For scenes where woman never smiled or wept -
There to abide with my creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept,
Full of high thoughts, unborn. So let me lie,-
The grass below; above, the vaulted sky.
John Clare
There was even one site that had been running a competition for poems or drawings and the results were on display. Here is one drawing I found quite fascinating:
It was EYE.GIF
OFF THE SANE NET
I think it was called "Watching" which is rather apt
So, there you have it. You never know what you might find if you have a look around. I think the Library has short lessons for those who want to learn how to use the Internet. It isn't that daunting once you get into it.
More Ideas
More ideas ... on a manic roll at present
*** Which will I print for OCT ?? save some ???
WElllll see short poems.pub for what made it
in - if I print it .. sheee..... so rearrange
the word97 docs ?? cos 8 went into one PUB !!
and some rewrites.. argh!!!
Some now go into "Digitally Enhanced Reality" !!
and "The House"
I used to believe in all the little numbers
I used to live inside a robot
I used to wear magnetic soles
My mind was ridddled with tiny holes
I threw caution into the void
I grew closer to the droid
I grabbed every language
I walked under the chariot
I walked through broken dreams
I tried to mend the seams
I wathched the world fall apart
Chaos hit me like a dart
I was a button on the wall
I heard the ancient sirens call
DDo it as a PUB file? or cells ????
several on one page - smaller font?
.... borders and spacing ??
Call it future dreams rather than Pure Nonsense ??
or maybe Entrances & Exits ??
or
In that "coping" section of new cats book
you may have omited the biggie!?
You have to face the fact that if everyone
shared your views then you wouldnt even exist
Because honestly I would never contemplate reproducing
and I cannot comprehend how others have the views they do
AM I just fussy? in saying I would require an absolute
MINIMUM of NO rapists or crime or boring pathetic sods
as my BARE minimum Mate that's what we have religions for
- if you can somehow convince yourself that a God would
have a good reason for allowing it to become THIS ghastly
before saying HEY we might fix that up for you!
That's the origin of it cannot be real!
I was all thing to all people
I flew over the church and steeple
I felt cosmic energy surge in my veins
I opened my house to drenching rains
I swam through oceans of soft fire
I felt suspended as if by wire
I saw no need for explanation
I was free from gravitation
I screamed in silent exultation
I was ruler of all nations
I found a house so dimly lit
I tried to enter but could not fit
On chairs I stood and found the key
In slow motion I walked away
I was granted each and every wish
Then I woke up and fed the fish
TO DO NOW.TXT
mail - I never read!
After Qld - TAFE Internet & clipart? and stax! Othello?
.......grab their ID ??Leonard?? PROPHECYANDPREDICTION
ETC .. GETAWAY TRIVIA! ETC poetry? see SITES.TXT !!
Crystal has a few in dc-new.lst! Checkout large ones!
TAFE - Microsoft Office 97 by Shelley Cashman Vermaat
has gooood quizes etc and "Running Word 97" has CD
and WWW.COURSE.COM ?? cos CRS is soooon!
Combine poems and compare size??
PC has a couple ? - BUBBLE13 Solar System - 2 disks in
Flinders box - put on Leonard ??? Kal 95 ??
Leonard DAT files? - oldies too ? or is that goin a bit
too far aews! Flinders ?? .....
a fair payment for services!!
THE TIE??? what if he did A8 instead of A1 and other ifs
on my part ???? hmmm what is it 6 years later ??
Galahad - sketch ? Stretches - off Cyber!
Plus articles on Mahjong (and life); Othello;
Word Process Tips; etc.. Registry! 3 ways ??
Win 95 CD off tafe - into txt for Dad & Leonard?
Pet Photo & story ?? Supertramp, Yes, Tull, looook
Fleetwood .....
Crystal - books! Gutenberg!!!
**** AVI & WAV OFF TAFE CD ?? HMMM.......
cRYSTAL! - 4TRIS section ? Timebank ?
Footy Update
I HAD 3 GRAPHICS AT TOP - TROPHY, DICE!, FOOTY, AND EMBEDDED MAGIC WAND! (I reckon we'd need one of those! then again we BLEW it in season where we had a freak run of no injuries!)
Okay, by the time this Newsletter is published, the premiership will have been decided. Here are my thoughts after the first week of the finals and you can see how accurate or inaccurate I was.
Melbourne has been the big surprise packet of the last few weeks. It is hard to believe this is the same team that they finished dead last in 1997. They are playing with enormous confidence and exuberance as they destroyed last year's premiers. So much for everyone's prediction that they might be a little nervous withou much previous experience of finals. It is an inspiring tale that your fortunes can turn around so rapidly after some hard times. They seem a very closely knit bunch with great team spirit, which is also nice to see. You get the feeling that anything is possible if they continue on this wave of euphoria.
A complete contrast to the Demons are the Saints. They were sitting on top of the ladder not too long ago but their confidence has evaporated as they stumbled into the finals with a series of losses. They were unlucky to lose to Sydney in a tight contest and now have to face Melbourne. I don't fancy their chances but you never know what may happen because they still have a lot of talented individuals.
The Kangaroos are on a ten game winning streak and seem to be able to find a way to win even when they are not playing at their peak. That is the sign of a top team.
The Bulldogs continue to be underated by a lot of people but they have as good a chance as anyone.
Overall, it would be nice to see the Demons or the Bulldogs break their long droughts, since their supporters have been waiting since 1964 & 1954 respectively. Logic tells me that a team cannot rise from 16th to 1st in one season but that is what I will predict! If I'm wrong, well I won't be the only one. It would be a fairytale if Melbourne do win, maybe they will. If not, then some other team will probably win it. I'm not sure what will happen. Make up your own mind.
For all the other supporters - Hope springs eternal. There is always next year.
Prophecy & Prediction
I saw an interesting program on Television a few weeks ago entitled, "Prophecy & Prediction".
I was familiar with some of the predictions of Nostradamus but it seems others have made rather dramatic predictions for this period of human history. Mother Shipton was one that I found very interesting. Rather graphic but also very interesting verse.
Mention Website? and transcripts? Mother Shipton ??
My Zen - ha!
Only the second full day at KGP! - why did I even start! more on that later (no pun?) ..... I argued my usual case and well, initially they open with youth suicide and I say I am amazed many more don't - why stay in a insane world, it is stupid!
Then they get onto the "truth" - and of course I say nice for you but how is it any different from all the other true believers who believe theirs is the one & only truth and everyone else is wrong! Even! I must be an alien, I look around me and cannot believe I came from the same source as all these dull minds. It's not God's fault - oh come on! Yet I think they said it aint ours either? Satan? Oh please! In the end I tear it up and throw it - and they had a kid - well let me tell ya it aint no guarantee! I was raised on it and soon came to see it as absurd and even pathetic! Where did evil come from if God created everything and if people are flawed then that's only cos they were made that way and why give people the CHOICE of "evil" if you KNOW it aint going to do anything but make suffereing! I mean really Geoff! Why bother!
Yet I cannot let it go! hours after they depart (a little shaken? then again maybe they truly are convinced - look I'm not the one banging on your door trying to convert you to my views! - Why create anything at all! I mean once you mention the word "perfect" you lose me completely! Why would a perfect being create anything - by my definition of perfection you'd just sit there being perfect. The need or desire to create is an imperfection. Plus you'd think he might clear up the confusion! Plus even told em I'd wipe out 99 % for being dull. Even that I may be the only person in history who has the guts to point out the flaws to God. I used the word absurd quite a lot!
Ultimately I feel sorry for them. I said Eastern religs and reincarnation are the only ones that make even an ounce of sense. I cannot just let it go! "It must be wonderful to be absolutely convinced that yours is the one & only truth and everyone else is wrong. Must be marvelous. Yep, ultimately what a wondeful plan - how many people like me are so disenchanted with this world that they reject religion as absurd. I did mention gibberish as she read out some. Then I go shopping and still at it! ......
Mate did you really read Zen on the flight! Well ... EVEN if ti is the word of God that doesn't make it the truth. that is merely God's opinion - nothing more. Okay, an opinion that has some clout but still just an opinion! What does God need me for? I mean he already has milllions of pathetic spinless sods who would never dare question him. So, what does he need me for?
Quite frankly, if God can't be bothered telling me directly then I can't be bothered believing in him. Oh you are unbelievable! OK, God is going to fix things up. Well, firstly what is he waiting for? How bad do things have to get? Secondly, if you can fix things up why not do it from the start and save all this misery? It is absurd. What really drives me insane is that I am just one voice totally outnumbered by all the millllions of Yes men who are either incapable of thinking for themselves or terrified of doing it. They make me sick!
Yet, Geoff, Zen would (or might) say why get SO worked up that others have a different view or belief.
* Saints!
* Two days later !!!! see page 2! You'd want 50 to 1 !!
I write a bit (not quite as bad as GF 97!) Boy!!! There has got to be something seriously wrong when you can drop from first in 5 weeks to lose to bottom by 10 goals!
"Barracking for St Kilda is a great test of character - you have to be a complete masochist!"
"You can't take footy too seriously when you barrack for St Kilda - they will drive you out of your mind!"
IS this REALLLY the same team that beat Sydney in Sydney by 100 pts!!! That seems a long, long time ago! AS I said in that article Imagine.DOC -
****** shows what a HUGE factor confidence can be! ********
That is what made 1997 the Twilight Zone! For 20 weeks a Saints team played with consistent flair AND fight! We may never see that again! That was our one GOLDEN chance .... Irony?
Also ironic? They have the talent to win a flag but flags aint won on ability alone. Sure, anything can happen (I mean the top side has lost to the 12th & 14th teams in last 3 weeks! The Cats break a 6 game losing sequence that ruined their season by knocking off top side! THEY are the only team that would be more infuriating to support! And that game was played the same time as ours! They are long acknowledged as the 2 most enigmatic teams! How you could endure 4 GF losses in 7 years! At least we don't have that problem - yeah when you look at what those Ablett sides did but never managed to win a flag!
Just 5 weeks ago we beat Bulldogs to go a game clear on top! And at that stage Essendon was 5 games below us. Now! We lost by 3 points to Essendon to spark this 3 game downward spiral and we find them only a game behind us and our percentage has plummeted! It is a funny game! You have to have a sense of humour (or be a total masochist!) to follow the Saints!
September footy Update
* North melbourne is NOW my tip for the flag. So they now have NO chance.
* Saints have slipped a fair way - maybe they are trying to get better odds to bet on. Two days later !!!! see page 2! You'd want 50 to 1 !!
* Swans have resurrected their season after a slump. Lockett looks back to top goal-kicking form. Paul Kelly's injury could prove costly.
* Bulldogs played a shocker against Carlton. It is hard to fathom how the 14th side can knock off the top side by 80 points!
* Adelaide is my other tip for the Grand Final. So that's the end of their chances.
* Essendon is having a lot of close contests. I hope their supporters have strong enough constitutions to cope with all the excitement. Their coach is one of the few truly interesting characters in the business.
* Richmond were looking quite promising before they managed to lose to the bottom side. They may live to regret that lapse in form. Or it could fire them up to produce even greater deeds.
* Overall it is still a lottery, but some teams don't even have tickets.
UNSPOKEN WORDS FROM MIDNIGHT
Words plucked from midnight
leave the blackbird naked in the day
And the rain falls from the sky
soaking dust
ground by our feet
do the crickets
cheer
and leaves fall from the tree
brushed to the ground
by whispering winds
dancing through skies,
laden with mist, and
Heavens trumpet calling,
that tune where an
earth weeps solemnly
to the tune,
only to rise the sun
trampling engines
thunder on streets,
grinding, traffic lights glow
the sparrow sits for breakfast
on blankets of green fields of grass
for man is blinded by
his own ill wealth
or may he be rich in knowing
but the more his pockets
bulges the deeper the hole
he digs
While the sparrow in parting
lies upon the earth
As mans casket he digs
riches piled in a heap
unpaid bills
and offices filled
with his breath no more
the grieving sparrows call
the cricket sighs relief
like frogs lily hopping in ponds filled
with Joy; does man go on hunting
in fear of being poor. Gilbert James
Queensland 1998!!
Preparations etc ? - at end ??
Boy! Where to start ?? This written within 20 hrs of getting home - hardly a chance to catch my breath in past 3 days! With walks, Karly!, Casino, eating, flying, swimming, Saints!, Tennis, Melon back!, etc!!....
Stacks..... Let's start at the beginning..... nup as usual a few random points - Rochford! Oh is he hot!, Dynamo House Richmond! (seen at O'Reilly's!) has balms, candles etc... Parish and Gold Coast, Rock Climb?? Opposite Kooyong?, Lingerie Catalog! $15!, Yowies! for Karly & others!, Runners for Xmas? Now the "diary" type entries ....
Boy! When the bedroom timer recently reset itself it didn activate day! So "Fri" would not go off! Discovered only due to 3LO not being recorded! Phew! Then water doesn't turn off? Turned off Hot Water service! Then ooooh did I lift door properly? Oh well!
First flight in 27 years! Quite nervous at first! I am amazed they routinely take off and land! Not great seat! On wing! Already feels I have been here a week! Mahjong & Karly & sew rucksack! and 2 T shirts. Oh, plus read Tao Of Physics on plane! Karly and glowing jigsaw and heaps shoppping! Footy! we continue to defy belief! Lose to another bottom 3 side! We are gone! Drop to 7th! And don't deserve any better! Karly and piggy backs down and up stairs! And then top off a great birthday by losing $40 at Casino! and RAIN!!
The dream holiday contiues! drop another $60 or so! Plus sick and headache after huge meal! Then RUMI but still no real walks or pool! Swim & Karly & walks to Surfers Karly in sillllly moood! Rhymes for people's names and pets! & more Rumi. Then longest ever swim! yes, Karly all over me and underwater and spa and games. Then she absolutely crashes in Denise's place! Then I lose more money in apartment! Austarlia Fair for Armageddon! Laughable, preposterous plot! and more goddam RAIN! Torrential this time! Then Mahjong with Denise & Ron. More rain! and we better win! and here we go! 4 goals to nil in first term and still in front at half time then we let Eagles get 3 agst a gale and look gone! Quite a contrast to 1997! Burke & Heatley out injured, Winmar out for disciplinary reasons! Wakelin out cold! But we fall in! And shoot back up to 4th! Bizarre season!
Who said this is the sunshine state! More overcast conditions! I am a s consistent as the Saints! 1,8,1 and 4 holes in one in total! Then on a reasonable day in Gold Coast, we go to Byron Bay! and it is blustery! and more carrying of Karly! Plus interesting shops. Then O'Reilly and treetop walk and snake! and cliff tops! and the shop has those balms etc and plane crash! Then mum scares Karly and she bumps head, so now she wants a fake snake to scare Nana! Dad buys me a back pack! and more crap weather! where are the 300 days of sunshine a year !!! What are the odds! I am the onlt person in a cinema and who walks in? Eddie! Then 3 more to total 5 and it is a movie I'd give 9 1/2 !! Plus explaining the basic X Files theme, some are self-contained episodes but the enduring theme is aliens and cover ups and conspiracy and who is who and you never quite get the whole picture or all the pieces... oh, plus that Gillian is awesome! Then Casino on the way home and was actually $30 up but yes, managed to lose it!
Another ghastly day! 4 or 5 in the 2 weeks have been absolute horrors! Gale and rain, so we see Horse Whisperer - a bit long but great scenery and acting and plot and themes. Then Jenga & Karly! Oh, last night was RUMI & Ron and hunches and not quite sure it will work but dive in anyway! Also X Files script? - Chaos vs. predictability. Then hey, guesss what? Gale force winds so that have to wedge newspaper to stop doors rattling! and whistles! from next dooor that drive you insane! Plus more poems and more Yowies! the cricket is VERY life like in appearance and size! Also the snake!, wombat, Kangaroo and now they buy a frog ..... Then we go to Tamborine and get wet and Cedar Creek and Karly on back - quite a workout!
Then the past 3 days as described earlier! Karly silly in 13A as I watch footy then another huge meal - NOT a great idea in evening! Then I win but oooooh! I go a bit silllly and I drop 20 + 50 + 20 which aint TOO bad after $250 win (on $50 given to me!) Then I reallly go crazy and on $1 machines drop $50 & $50 in sickeningly quick time!!!! That woulda paid for DOG! or runners! or sheeee.... oh well.... And talking of realllly stupid! Saints manage to lose to bottom team for second time in 4 weeks - we should be shot! But how insane of Brisbane to try to win! they cannot get off the bottom and get a second priority draft choice if they win fewer than 5 games - the win takes them to 5 1/2 ! How ridiculous! We plunge to 6th and reallly hardly deserve to be in the finals! and travel to SCG which has been a good ground for us but I wouldn't expect that to continue on current form! Lockett's first final against Saints! Yep they reach 92 (to 91!) despite being 1 goal 10 just before half time! Crazy!
Then! JUST what I need the night before I leave! Black Box! and the disgruntled employee who boards a plane and shoots his boss and then the pilots! You do NOT want to even hear about the Fed Ex incident!!! You would not dare write that as fiction! Plus Ungvita on chin. Then Saturday night morons across the carpark! and awake at 6:45 AM and walk on beach and rocks for Karly and quick half court game before leaving! And of course it is a beautiful sunny day after a week of rotten weather! Smooth trip home - 2 hours versus a train trip over 36 hrs! Footy on way home in bus - Melbourne do us all a huge favour and clobber Richmond to end season above us! (Trevor and I talked on way to my early 40th and if you'd suggested then that Melb would finish on top of Saints they'd lock you up!) They had a poor percentage but still grab fourth with 5 consec wins by average of 50 points! Phew! Denies Adelaide a home final!!!
Now Melon back - foot looks okay! and she is excited to be home - you wonder what they think! and could be going on first decent walk on pavement in what is it? 38 days ??? boy!! Bursts already! is it the hous or the isolation? In about 48 hrs I have drawn blood from chin, thumb (tennis), palm (mail box gouge!) and now mouth - due to banana chips ???
Oh, now for the observations!!!!! ---
MAY be last ever flight!? Treat for 40th birthday! plus my own unit plus meals and "shouts"!
Karly! Still phenomenal energy and silliness and all over me! I reflected that it is a RARE GIFT - esp in adults!!! to make people feel good just by your very presence! Plus name tag key rings and the menaings of people's names - Ron is always looking for something to do & always wants to know what is going on!
AIR bed far preferable to the pull outs!
Gambling? - best ever payout really! the feature with the dog and the bones (irony??) - free spins but brought up the feature again! and pays on "scattered" wins - just kept rolling! **** IT WAS 2 CREDITS PER LINE - does that make a difference?? As with anything it is pure luck and timing! Of which I usually have zero! BUT WHY! Why did I not get onto blackjack! after unexpected bonus win! Many gamblers must have asked similar questions! Even Mum who had early big wins and is mad at herself for pouring it all back! ....
Good earphones - then again I never used walkman! OR read the notebook ! OR the print outs ! OR missed the PC! Hmm.....
Travel light - I let Mum & Dad carry back the non-essentials! PANTS - dry okay in dryer!
One game half court! and I played well! - so WHY not TT and why NOT Olinda! and why NOT swim! as in 1994!
I purchased "Awakening to Zen" and so did Denise ....
THE BIGGGIE! - If it is the last such trip?? - well! huge INCENTIVE to work! esp if Karly will continue to be there!?? Then I could FLY and go to Movie World and pay for doggie and other stuff! Mate THAT is why most DO work!!! ...
PREPARATIONS ETC
A few from the 98 trip - Good earphones?, Water bottle, Travel light or let M & D bring some of lesser stuff, LIST for Apartment - don't leave key in door!, when go out - Sunscreen?, Cap, Sunnies, Jumper, Water?, Money, Rucksack?, Shut doors! and take key!, Booooks!, what else? - service is each 7th day, Trip back - if EVER fly!? - don't worry abt the $20 bus? cos there are plenty and one is MET ticket? Ttable? Sundays ??
Could even go there same way if it weren't so EARLY in day as 1998 ?
What else? - Train would mean different set! Travel Pillow, food, padlock, what to do in Sydney, Valerian? (never took it on plane!),
Anyways - I did staple a few pages together the day before 98 departure - should be in the box in store room I never look at!
Confusion
These were in column format
Lost in confusion
All is illusion
My mind is a blank
Who do I thank
No time to blink
Where are the answers
No time to think
Who has the answers
Words confuse me
Ideas amuse me
Why is it so
Where do we go
Questions everywhere
Confusion in the air
World in a spin
Nothing stays in
Questions flood(or invade) my mind
Are we so blind
Doubt is paralysing
Just stop analysing
Wide awake
In the dead of night
Drifting toward
A point of light
Where is my name
Where is my number
Do I believe
In the rumble-thumper
Modern life
Full of strife
Days never ending
Nothing is mending
What do I need
What do I remember
Time and space
Inside the ember
Imagination
Disintegration
Authentication
Alien nation
Inside and out
Where is the doubt
Is it within
Does it spin
Spinning and rolling
Falling and spinning
Losing and winning
Always grinning
Finding the way
Calling the day
Feeling the heat
Dealing with the incomplete
Answer the call
Follow the fall
Consider the time
Selling the rhyme
Numbers falling
People calling
Pieces missing
People guessing
Chaos and mystery
Questions unanswered
Understanding
Underestimating
Staying calm
Staying serene
Keeping the peace
Leaves us clean
Watching and Listening
The people are here
This state of confusion
Is always near
Murphy's Laws Updated Page 1
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Every solution breeds new problems.
When putting things back together again, there will always be one piece that will not fit anywhere.
Logic is a systematic method of arriving at the wrong conclusion with confidence.
You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step into it.
If there is a 50/50 chance of something going wrong, 9 times out of 10 it will.
The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
The leak in the roof is never in the same place as the drip.
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
If facts do not support the theory, they must be discarded.
If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.
When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you are certain you have finished with, you will need it again instantly.
You'll never find a lost item until you replace it.
If it jams, force it. If it breaks then it needed replacing anyway.
The solution to a problem changes the problem.
When the going gets tough, everybody leaves.
Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Never try to reproduce a successful experiment.
Spend sufficient time confirming a need and the need will disappear.
Murphy's Laws Updated Page 2
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
Men and women will act reasonably when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass.
An object in motion will be heading in the wrong direction. An object at rest will be in the wrong place.
Everything costs more and takes longer.
Any product cut to length will be too short.
A little ignorance can go a long way.
There are only 2 sizes of clothing: too small and too large.
Nothing is so simple that it cannot be misunderstood.
If it's good, they will stop making it.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
Old age is always 15 years older than I am.
In any household, junk accumulates to fill the space available for its storage.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
If you come up with a fabulous idea, you will find someone else thought of it already.
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
You get the most of what you need the least.
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
Favourite Song Lyrics
I just thought I might jot down some of the song lyrics that stick in my mind from songs I have heard over the years.
I can't be absolutely sure of the words of some of these songs because it's not always clear what someone is singing.
"And it's whispered that soon if we all call the tune, then the piper will lead us to reason. And a new day will dawn for those who stand long and the forests will echo with laughter" from Stairway To Heaven by Led Zeppelin
"Send an instant Comet to me, initial it with loving care. Don't surround yourself with yourself, move on back a square" from the Yes Album by the group Yes
"Then one day you find ten years have got behind you. No-one told you when to run. You missed the starting gun" from Pink Floyd album Dark Side of the Moon
"The horses stamping, their warm breath clouding in the sharp & frosty morning of the day" from Thick as a Brick by Jethro Tull
"I can't get no satisfaction." From the Rolling Stones
"Imagine all the people sharing all the world. You may say I'm a dreamer but I'm not the only one." from Imagine by John Lennon
"Sitting in his nowhere land, making all his nowhere plans for nobody" from Nowhere Man by the Beatles
"Will you still need me? Will you still feed me? When I'm 64." also from the Beatles on their Sgt Pepper's Album
"I did it my way" from Frank Sinatra
Favourite Song Lyrics Page 2
"Look for the girl with the sun in here eyes and she's gone." From Lucy In The Sky with Diamonds also by The Beatles
"Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies" from Fleetwood Mac
"When I was young it seemed that life was so magical, oh it was beautiful, magical" from the Logical Song by Supertramp
"Money so they say, is the root of all evil today. But if you ask for a rise it's no surprise that they're giving none away." also from The Dark Side Of the Moon album
"Isn't life strange, a turn of the page can read like before. Can we ask for more" from th Moody Blues
"Cumulous clouds formed heavily in the south like huge wool packs heaped up in picturesque disorder. Under the influences of the breezes they merged together growing darker, forming a single menacing mass. Their raft lay motionless on the sluggish waveless sea. In silence, they waited for the storm." from the Rick Wakeman album Journey to the Centre of the Earth
"I find myself designing rooms which never let the light in. With no way in and no way out and a space to fly my kite in." from the song Freeze Frame by Godley & Creme
If anyone else has some favourites, they might like to write them down and we could include them in the future issues of the Newsletter.
SHORT STORY PLAN?
I enjoy the actual process of writing and obviously I'd prefer if others enjoyed reading it or it made them think ....
hmmm.......
***** Finally afer tafe and tooooth! And guy from 28 kgp! ... I do write it and mostly off top of head? And no mention in first 1500 words of Schizophrenia ... hmmm./........ June 5, 1998
"I tackle the biggies - life & death; sanity & madness ... everything else is a subset of those... I like to try and work out why people are the way they are; why they believe what they believe; why they behave the way they do; why some go off the deep end where others become stronger despite similar experiences. " Yeah sure, Geoff ... welll ..... and how chance can impact hugely .....
INTRO:
* This is merely part of a larger work currently in progress.
* Based on fact, the names have been changed or omitted for obvious reasons.
* View of "schizophrenia" very much depends on perspective. The psychiatrist has his which can be quite at odds with the perspective of someone who actually experiences it. Every case is unique. Psychiatrists are still struggling to even define it let alone understand it, let alone "cure" it.
* Normality - as merely a product of large population
- as part of modern society
* Conformity
* Real Self (yes, I took a look at Laing he did say it all!!?? This is merely one person's tale....)
* Aliens
* Happiness as huge fluke/illusion (delusion)
* Medication - ouch!
* Suicide? - Pessimistic as could be something even worse!
-
* Roller Coaster - Stability very overated
- Maybe only the dull can stay totally sane & stable
* Religious themes? - How CAN you be certain
- Xtianity vs. reincarnation
- and fairness! & question of why WOULD a perfect being create anything at all!
- and of course my doozy that it could all be illusion
- so killing would not be killing
etc etc ........
Now!!! A phenomenal day! Wrote stacks before Marilyn!!.... she is nice! ..... and then Diane (handyman is looking very dubious! $2 and going to Keysbor! And may be reviewed in June ??
Anyway now a dream... in fact enter it a "The Dream" in the comp!!!
He had always had the oddest of dreams. But this one really knocked him about. It seemed as if he was a giant, who was peering in the tiny door of a doll's house. Inside the house he could barely make out a dimly lit room in which someone was peacefully rocking in a chair whilst knitting something very long. He came to realise this was the basement of a building with many storeys. (Pun on the word story??) He heard a distant voice which seemed to be coming from one of the upper floors. It said simply, "It is not too late to guide them towards the light.
Was this just a dream? Or was it some kind of message. After all, from his perspective, mankind did seem quite lost. Maybe the building sybolised something.
Include: soul's journey; many planes of existence; last chance for some? ; most are still in the basement, confused, unable to see the light but somehow they know it is there? Shift focus away from worldly concerns such as money, politics, hmmm.....
Maybe all the chaos & confusion is caused by people's souls have lost their way. Become distracted. Competition. He wondered if maybe he could somehow put this dream into everyone's sleep. Maybe it could change the world. People would say he is just being silly, you can't change the world even if you give put this dream to everyone. Basement - all the people so distracted by all the noise and confusion in this dimly lit basement that they think the basement is all there is.
So...... throw in all the religious stuff.... Reincarnation vs Hell which he was raised on. He'd lost his faith for the usual reasons (specify? ) He'd been thru a phase of ridiculing all religious ideas ..... Fairness .... Karma .... Indian? .....
Even tie in Schizophrenia!? .... Maybe he had followed this life-path instinctively for this incarnation.
He still had great difficulty accepting the idea. For starters, the size of population was a good argument! And second, how many people seem to have learnt nothing at all. He'd been raised on science & "proof"
He'd been diagnosed as Schizophrenia, but had never felt comfortable with the medical viewpoint that it is a disease. Maybe Schizophrenia is an instinctive process. Maybe it doesn't always work. Maybe medication is a huge mistake. Maybe a huge disservice. Maybe the disintegration of the personality can put the person in contact with a higher form of reality (Laing & The Chaotic Mind) & religious analogy. Because what is the personality after all? It is a fa�ade erected for dealing with other people in the course of everyday life. Maybe it was not as important as people would like to believe. Maybe dealing with the business of everyday life was in fact a huge distraction. The amount of detail, time, energy could or should be directed to more elevated pursuits. Maybe language is a huge barrier too. Schizophrenia seemed to involve a disintegration of language as well. ..... give examples of his ponderings of such words as: thought, time, energy, behaviour, concepts, etc .....
But surely it is an unrealistic dream. There are many practicalities in everyday life to even survive.
Maybe his life had been according to a script, severing most worldly attachments - sex, job, etc as if some unseen force had systematically been preventing him from following a "normal" path in life.
Trial by fire?
Then into the interview and never even covered such stuff as Licence! and the applic forms for Work Focus!! June 12 is 6-9 PM at TAFE and June 13 is 1:30 PM in city for short story course.... Hmmmm
2 things added while in there ? - * Suicide - he somehow just knew suicide would not be the end of his existence & he was pessimistic enough to imagine there might be something even worse than his current tortured situation. * Culture - in a different culture he might be regarded NOT as schizophrenic, but as some kind of seer, in touch with the spirits.
Ending: Then again, maybe it was just a dream.
BOY !!!!! ....... I'll have trouble sticking to 3000 words max !!!!....
(Now! See book4.doc and all the MAY newsletter stuff! Boy!!)
atheism as a religion: He'd always found it amusing the way people say i dont believe in life after death as if that belief settles the issue and thus there is none.
What is belief? Why do people feel the need to believe anything at all? Why do some feel the need to have a systematic belief system shared with millions of others. What does God believe? He had always thought it must be rather boring being God as there are no surprises. Hmmm a few weeeeeks later & hardly even looooked at this ...... and from old Davies interview? Maybe even God doesn't know exactly what will happen due to the uncertainty & chaos built into the universe (& human nature ) And why not! John imagined that if he was God he wouldn't bother creating a universe where every event was predictablein advance. There would be no mystery, no surprises, no anticipation.
Does God have the right to create a universe where suffering can take place. Surely if he is omniscient he would know how to create a world in which suffering simply doesn't happen. So he chose not to follow that choice. That is rather inconsistent with the claim of being an "all-loving" God. These are questions nobody should ask. They cannot be resolved. They must surely drive you out of your mind. However, they had not done so. Maybe this was God's only conceivable way to experience a surprise of any description. Namely, to have one of his creations dare to question his masterplan and to further dare to criticise it and to not be driven insane.
If you toss a word around in your head for long enough it loses its meaning. Where is the meaning of a word? It is not in the word itself, since a Japanese person could not understand even a simple sentence like "The man has a large nose"
Surely someone has asked these questions before. Surely there are answers somewhere. But where do you even start to look for them? Maybe nobody has asked these questions before without being driven out of their minds. Maybe that was the sole purpose of these questions. (Yeah! Marilyn and thousands of books and you cant possibly read them all! And all you see is the cover & title.)
Boy ! It has been so long since I actually did any of this! And "Journey" ... due to! Excel!!! And Leonard and Kathy and Flinders Mahjong..... ******** JUST a note! - BOOK$ now has excellent ideas as well .... Sheeee... if I ever get around to actualllly......
Then "Sorry Day" - 1. Live in the present NOT the past. 2. If go back far enuf everyone's ancestors did something horrible or nasty and the biggie 3. Church ? Why! According to your belief system, it is a HUGE advantage to get a RAW deal in this life. Funny how people who SAY they believe in a better life to come ACT very much as if this is all there is. (Bemused)
Plus the time bomb idea - yeah! Profoundly unhappy people with no faith in anything better to come is literally a ticking bomb. And when there are millions of them in society, it is quite staggering we don't have complete chaos!
Pathways to Madness
God is madness and madness is God. There is no madness. There is no truth. This is already the path to madness. People are unreal in many of their forms. They never know the ways to be insane People are already mad. The keys to the door are the keys on the floor. You can follow several Paths all at the same time. There is no light. There is no death. There is only madness.
The secret of life is to allow yourself to be controlled by aliens. The secret of life is to sing these poems for hours on end: "I was born in a dead man's grave, 16 years and a bottle of rum, I was born in a thankless world, 16 years and a bottle of rum People need their only worlds, People need their next of blood People wipe their only knives, 16 years in a dead man's grave"
"I was raised to be king of the insane, I was born to scream away I'm not mad I'm the next of weird, I was born like a madman in the grave I was born like a knifetime of the insane, I could bounce on all my knives" "People walk through their lives, People bounce on their knives, People dig their own graves, People live like slaves"
People scream when they realise their lives are dead. People scream when they walk through their knives. They take their names and they take their places Then they take all their names and places Then they take all their ways and they take all their knives People are the blips of blointy.
Distressing as it might seem, maybe the real winners are the psychopaths. They have learnt to play the games. I invented all the mad ways. I invented all the sad days. I was born in the 12th of next. I was born like an infinite whirlpool I was born in the unexpected chaos of my own mind.
Some people can see infinity in a cup of tea. Some people can live like a snowstorm in the desert. Some people can become everything and nothing in a single clear instant of infinity. Some people love to blame their lives and then they blame their rusty knives. I could live like a thousand priests - I could live like all the rest. People need their sad lives. They need to wipe their knives. They never blame their days. They always change their ways. Life is neither meaningless nor meaningful. These are merely interpretations. People rarely see the true nature of their lives because they cannot release their interpretations.
There are actually 14 ways of being insane - you simply have to find the one that suits you best. I was born in the 15th cycle of madness - I could live like a knife in the forest. I never know if my name is a number. I never know if their faces are real. The secret of life is to bounce on the knives and bleed on your own neck. "I could bounce on a thousand knives."
I was poisoned by a madman. I used to believe in all the old numbers - I used to believe in the careful madman. People live like the nameless madman - they never know when to scream! I am the saviour of the world - anyone who believes in me will surely never die! I wrote the Bible and I am the Bible and I will surely never die. I was Christ in the Bible and I have lived for a million years. I could scream and they would all disappear. They never know their own names. People live their random lives - they never even know if they are dead.
People blame their names and then they blame their days. People love to blame their lives. I was born like the early madman. I was born like an angel in the forest. I was born like the angry madman. I used to live like the nameless madman - 16 years and a bottle of rum. I used to scream like all the mad priests - 16 years in a dead man's grave.
Maybe the final step is a random act of extreme violence, it could break the riddle. Maybe all that is required is to visualise it in your mind, and the riddle will be broken. If you find this idea horrifying, just take two valium and call me in the morning. These words can be interpreted a million ways. You have probably chosen but one.
I could live like a knife in the forest, I could live like the only next. I wouldn't even die because they don't even know. They wouldn't even tell because they don't know when and they can't tell me why because they couldn't even say. People know that they are the next of names and they wouldn't even know because they're next in their ways. People thank me from all their ways. They could never know because they wouldn't even say. I could never believe in all the ways of next.
I was born like the extra madman. I was born in a million ways on a thousand days. I was born to save the world. I was born to shatter people's minds and lead them to the glory of madness. I was born into the cycle of madness.
Nobody was ever supposed to be sane, it was all a ghastly accident. We apologise. People need their extra madmen. People need their FOINKLE-DROINTY. People believe in the gadgetry of life. I believe in everything and nothing, at the same time. I believe in the ecstasy of madness. I am the voice of the insane.
Throw away all your labels. There is no madness. There is no sanity. There are only labels. Throw away your language. You never needed it in the first place. I used to believe in the ten of numbers. I used to believe in the NEXT of NEXTLY I used to believe in the madness of Christ. I used to believe in all the next of ways. I used to believe in the little puppy numbers. I used to think I was a robot from outer space. I used to believe in all the stretchless croindy. I used to believe in all the angry mutants. I used to walk around like a madman with his only mad plan. Many other items were recorded that cannot be expressed in terms of human language. You need to understand the language of madness.
And as a bonus here are a few from the "people" epic poem:
People are the voice of love People try to rise above People tell their stories With anger in their glories People need their own plans People walk through the sands People call out their names People stare into the flames People need their ways People lose their names People name their days People find their games People make their winless wars People hunger for applause People fill their shoes with soil People spray themselves with oil People try to understand People live in a wonderland People say their lives are messy People laugh when things go missing People jump in sharp surprise People sleep when stars arise People stand in ancient puddles People try to catch the bubbles People think their lives are strange People travel around their cage People need a helping hand People throw their seeds on land People struggle in ways unseen People make holes in the green People build their concrete walls People bounce like rubber balls People believe in the worst of ways People believe in their next of days People shine in delicate rays People struggle inside the maze People stretch their days People clean their names People unite in distant suns People find their deeds undone
People scream and run away People wait for another day People slide into the sand People think that life is bland People send their dreams afloat People live their lives remote People climb to places unseen People think their minds are clean People walk in all directions People use their own inventions People walk through space and time People understand the rhyme People could live sideways in a forest. People could float on feathers. People could tell each other all their secrets. People could change their names. People could change their ways. People could change their days. People could change their lives.
People could slowly lose their precious days. People could live like angles in the forest. People could travel through the city and never see it. People could walk into a maze and never find a way out. This poem is the result of 10 years of exhaustive research by a team of scientists at NASA and I helped a bit. Geoff Allen.
Jeees the weeek before Qld 98 and Journey2 expands and I'd need 2 pages - well really you'd need the 15/16 pages of JOURNEY2.DOC !...here goes.... Idea for a comedy routine: A Typical conversation in Heaven: "Tell me about your boring life.""I used to bleed on a Wednesday night""Where is my name and where is my number?""Mate! You're insane!""I'm not mad! I am the madman!""Where is your doctor?""I'm not the doctor! I'm the next of weird!""People are never weird!""People need their next of numbers and they need to sing like a weirdo!""Can we ever believe in our own names!""I believe in the medical job loss.""I used to believe in the fifteen of people.""If there is some ultimate truth it could never be expressed in conventional language anyway""Yes, but that doesn't seem to prevent people from believing that theirs is the ultimate truth.""I love to sing strange songs about being insane.""Maybe I'm a bit weird because my parents used to tie me to a tree for ten years.""People should always be dead""People should never believe in their own lives.""People wipe their legs and wipe!""People learn about their ghastly lives.""Why didn't you ever have children?""I would have mad a lousy parent. Very few people ever think they will make lousy parents but that's only because they delude themselves. If I had children they would eventually ask me what it's all about. And I would have to reply that I haven't got a fucking clue .... and neither has anyone else but that doesn't seem to stop them from deluding themselves that they have.""Thanks for that. I love your brain.""You shouldn't say things like that. I might have to eat my own lunch!""People love their weird lives.""People need their horrible lives!"
Uploads
Written July 98 !!! (period of huge cash outlays! And Frank! And considering CD backup anyways.....)
(Some at Windows Support, Crystal etc ??) Main ones at PC User ...... FUNKY SFDL SAVERBTN OIL(rename to OIL$$$) TRIBOLO(rename to TRI$BOLO.REG) MJBB & BWCC (now Mahjong CD anyway) APPORG _ICONS W95CURSOR WAVES2 STARWAVS REVERSI W95_TIP DOUBLINK MAGICS32 PCIMAG MATSUSHI MFI ?? BIGTXT23 DOSTIPS REDWARF OCCULT
These have encrypted: 4WINDS(has encrypted Footy Facts!) TILESA-C ?? SHIDAO OIL-1.ZIP EDESK95 SETMEUP ?? ADDRMC GROW95 MIMOSIL WILLS96 QUIKCLIP XMAS97 TOYTHEME (July 98)
July 98 after outrageous Diane!!!! CM211 has thelight and huge addons to Journey
And Diane wants to see it despite my saying it could blow her mind!!!!!!!
Then after 40th !!!!!! Sent THELIGHT with bigtxt version of thelight and encrypted latest
Sparked by outrageous day and Karly and stax!!!!!
Hmmm do they wait - well judgin by the message area foul ups they do !!?? ... do they wait cos uploaded THELIGHT twice and not appearing on file lists yet ???? So uploaded ALIENS~1.ZIP with even more insipred lunacy ?? and the day after that .... More embellishments to the epic poems and more ! hmm.......
29-7-98 also did a big update and sent it to Crystal in the file WIN-98!.ZIP ... will they keep it long ? It contains Bigtxt versions of the win 98 info but each says "This was produced by the unregistered version" ... hmmmmm It contains a bunch of goodies - obviously latest DOCs & 4dos& registry & LNK & saves & solves & Bat etc... not complete but not bad
I also sent win-98!.zip to Pc user it is interesting! that thelight AINT there but aliens~1.zip is ! Do they hate religion as much as me ??????
Aug 98 (during!!!! God for a dog that I don't feel real connected to! Pet Cab? And foot may have problems? And now of COURSE Les cant take her .... ) I decided to get a BIT more efficient! Okay mainly PC User but even then I should LIST contents so don't double up as much! There'd be several copies encrypted of the same stuff???
Okay, ALIENS~1.ZIP HAS: books4.zip which by now is a bit outdated hmmm......
(Note the same file at crystal has the above PLUS 4dos, brief list of c & d drive, best of the batch files, some nels, book 4 & book4-2, word & excel 97 quik ref, journey2, my notebook, People & its Sequel, start menu, desktop, a few ini ......registry, $short story, book 1 to 3, confusion, imagine, more big questions, murphy, negative, the dream, and is obviously a bit more up to date with Leonard articles - have I sent it yet to crystal?? - well if I aint, I sent the exact same dat file in rf96.zip to pc user! See below!)
.................. goto page 2 ..........
So I send RF96.ZIP to PC User - has latest stuff as in read details of aliens for crystal - registry etc..... but just realised it DON'T have copy of this as I am editing away in background oh well they say you can't have everything ....
Aug 98! - PWTERM32 to both, RENDER20, see below - Crystal so far .... now sent XFILES95 to both Sep 98.
After Qld - _xfiles.zip to pc only, has latest surge! up to 8 poems in one PUB! and DOG.PUB !
WIN-98!.ZIP has: similar to the crystal version of aliens but no registry and not as many up to date docs. That's the pc user copy of win-98!.zip mate.......
TOYTHEME HAS: just text version of various creations up to early July 98
XMAS97.ZIP has: up to early June docs including a journey through madness
MIMOSIL.ZIP has: a March 98 update - 4dos, batch, denise, nels, tips since uploaded tips?, tfw, qedit, system.dat & user.dat, (before word97??), desktop and a lot from c:\shortcut\ hmm......
SETMEUP.ZIP has: Jan 98 reports, 4dos, lnk, not a lot really?
ADDRMC.ZIP has: a few early articles - still in the wps format!
CM211F.ZIP has: BOOK4 & 4-2, JOURNEY2, PEOPLE, THELIGHT early July 98
EDESK95.ZIP has a lot! Descrip files, reports, lnk, batch, registry Dec 97 (which seeems ages ago!!!)
GROW9511.ZIP has morphello, hawking, suggestion box efforts, wps articles Mar 98
QUIKCLIP.ZIP has A Journey, books 1 to 4, Murphy, UFO etc May 98
WILLS96.ZIP has Apr 98 tips, word97 stuff, shortcuts - lots, qedit etc
BIGTXT23 has: the prog itself plus - TWO DAT files! - some old grabber! of Holmes, Ray Teh etc!!
SHIDAO37.ZIP has: encrypted best of oil captures and one doublink - NOT the million point effort!
Crystal - RENDER20.ZIP has some bigtxt oldies, Gilbert & me from Newsletter!, Journey added to, Pathways, Footy, Reports from Aug CD!, LNK,
Crystal - I am getting a bit carrried away! I mean I rarely read or even glance at ancient PCD, Textlife, Bigtxt, Grabber etc even though interesting.... Ooh well......
3 days before Qld 98! - PWTERM32.ZIP (if it aint there already?) - OLDIES in Textlife!, old oil, HUGE PCD collection!, a couple of articles - saints!, BOOKS 1 to 5.
Boy am I ever ..... same call! W95_tips.zip to crystal has the tips but also encrypted collection af articles to 10-8-98! Hmm..... tips are in the bigtxt format! Dodgy??
God, now! During and after painful long walks to vet - he says wait cos there aint no way to explore the wound unless knock her out ! .....
Created "D:\$ Lists of encrypted uploads" with full listings - a bit obsessssive ?? same with DAT files at Leonard??
***** Download past ones to see what goodies is in each ........ ************
Limit Hands for Mt Eliza
Note: C means concealed X means exposed AOS means all one suit
HL means Half Limit. L means Limit. CT means Calculated score
Red Bamboo is 1, 5, 7, 9 Green Bamboo is 2, 3, 4, 6, 8
Runs of 1-9 or 1-7:
Wriggly Snake
C
Run1-9, NEWS, any tile paired
L
Silver Star
C
Run 1-9, Pung Winds, Pair Dragons
L
Golden Star
C
Run 1-9, Pung Dragons, Pair Winds
L
Run, Pung, Pair
C
Run 1-9, Pung, Pair AOS
L
Gates of Heaven
C
Run 2-8, any paired, Pung of 1's, 9,s AOS
L
Greta's Garden
C
Run 1-7, One of each Wind & Dragon
L
Gertie's Garter
C
1-7, in each of 2 suits
L
Grand Sequence
C
Run 1-9, any 2 tiles paired, Pung of Winds
L
Winds
Windy Ones
X
NEWS, any wind paired, P/K of ones in each suit
L
Windy Nines
X
NEWS, any wind paired, P/K of nines in each suit
L
Windy Dragons
X
Pair of each wind, 2 Pungs Dragons
L
Windy Chows
C
NEWS, any wind paired, Chow each suit.
HL
Pair Hands
Heavenly twins
C
All one suit, 7 pairs
L
Honour Pairs
C
7 pairs of Winds, Dragons, 1's, 9's
L
Sparrow's Sanctuary
C
2 pairs of 1 Bamboo, 1 pair each of 2, 3, 4, 6, 8 Bamboo
L
All Pair Jade
C
Pair Green Dragons, 6 Pairs Green Bamboo
L
All Pair Ruby Jade
C
At least one Pair of Green and Red Dragons
5 Pair Green & Red Bamboos
L
All Pair Hand
C
7 pairs, All one suit, may include Winds or Dragons
HL
Pungs and Kongs each hand consists of 4 Pungs/Kongs & Pair.
Chinese Odds
X
Odd numbers in ONE suit
L
Purity
X
All one suit
CT
All Honour Hand
X
1's, 9's, Winds, Dragons
CT
Heads and Tails
X
1's and 9's
L
All Winds & Dragons
X
Winds & Dragons
L
The Four Blessings
X
4 Winds, pair anything
L
The 3 Great Scholars
X
Pungs/Kongs of ALL 3 Dragons plus Pung or CHOW and pair of a suit and/or Winds.
L
All Kong Hand
X
4 Kongs and a pair of anything
L
Ruby Jade
X
Pungs of Red & Green Dragons, Pung Green Bamboo Pung Red Bamboo, Pair Bamboo.
L
Mixed Suits
Triple knitting
C
4 "sets" and dirty pair. Each "set" consists of the same number in 3 different suits Dirty pair consists of the same number in 2 suits
HL
Knitting
C
7 dirty pairs
HL
Dragonfly
C/X
One of each Dragon, pung in each suit, pair any suit
Scores a Limit if concealed until fishing.
L/
HL
Also see Mixed Pung & Windy Chows.
Concealed Hands
Mixed Pung 4 Pungs and pair of any suits, winds or dragons. ALL tiles including winning tile must be taken from the wall. Scores LIMIT
Buried Treasure 4 Pungs or Chows and a pair in one suit. May include winds or dragons. You may have as many chows as you wish. ALL tiles including winning tile must be taken from the wall. Hands are scored as normal with 2 extra doubles for Buried Treasure
How To Use Publisher Software on Laptop PC
First, some basics about the laptop:
* After you turn it on, there usually is a message "Press F1 to resume."
Simply press the F1 key which is on top line of keys on the keyboard.
* If there is a message along the lines of "Non-Sytem Disk" you need to
remove the floppy disk form the drive and then press any key to continue.
* To start the publisher program, wait till the desktop appears on screen,
there should be an icon with the words "Publisher 97" written underneath
it. Move the cursor onto this icon and click twice. If no mouse is attached,
you need to put a finger on tha little touch pad and move the cursor that way.
If you have trouble with the double-click, you can click once and then hit the
Enter key on the keyboard.
* Note: if I remember, I may be able to setup the program so that you can just
Press a key combination such as Ctrl-Alt-P to start the program. This means
you would hold down the Ctrl key and the Alt key and whilst holding these 2
keys down you also press P
So you'll need at least 3 spare fingers - might even need to use both hands.
This would mean you can startup Publisher without bothering with the mouse
at all!
When Publisher starts up, you are presented with a screen which has 3 headings,
namely Page Wizard Blank Page Existing Publication
- If you are creating a new item, you stay on that first page and select what type
it will be. You can select Newsletter, Flyer, Brochure, Post Card, Sign,
Calendar, Banner etc. Simply Click on the one you wish, and press Enter.
You will then be presented with a series of screens where the program asks
you to make choices about the style of the publication you will be creating.
In each case, simply click on the option that suits your needs. For example,
when creating a calendar, it asks you whether it is to be a single month, should
it be a wide one, should there be room for a picture, etc. At the end of all those
choices, you select "Create It" and it will be created. You can then insert your
own text and pictures as will be described later.
- If you decide you are going to modify an existing creation, you click on the
Existing Publication page and see if you can spot the name of the item you
wissh to change. This might be February or January if it is a calendar, depending
on what the person called it.
I called it Food for Thought 1 & 2
and some cute little clipart too
A friend is a gift you give to yourself - Robert Louis Stevenson
Remember you are unique... just like everybody else!!
Everyone is ignorant, just on different subjects. -Will Rogers
The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.
To err is human, but to really mess things up you need a computer.
If you never lie, you don't have to remember anything.
If you keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you don't understand
the problem.
If you want the last word in an argument, say 'Yes you're right'.
There is a theory which states that if anyone ever gets to understand the universe
and how it works it will immediately be replaced by something even more bizarre
and mysterious. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
I didn't believe in reincarnation the last time either.
An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a
very narrow field.
Tact: The ability to describe others as they see themselves.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
Whether you believe you can, or believe you can't, you are right.
What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered.
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
Now #2
To error is human. To really foul things up requires a computer.
Plan for the future, because that is where your going to spend the rest of
your life.
Imagination is more important than knowledge. - Einstein
A friend is a person that knows everything about you and still likes you.
Only the guy who isn't rowing has time to rock the boat.
Adults are obsolete children. - Dr Seuss
I am not young enough to know everything.
Killing the dog will not cure the bite.
All generalisations are dangerous, even this one.
In life, as in death - always follow the light
Ideas are a dime a dozen. People who put them into action are priceless.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
A sunset is not an ending .... but a pause before a new beginging
A gentle stream can split a mountain, if given enough time
A politician is a man who stands for what he thinks the voters will fall for.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody
is looking.
Wisdom is not knowing what to do now, but what to do next.
Now these are from PUB versions - obviously can draw text boxes and clipart and other fancy stuff.... separated by *******
Things we can learn from a DOG
Never pass up an opportunity to go for a joyride
Allow the experience of fresh air in your face to be pure ecstasy
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them
Let others know when they have invaded your territory
Take naps & stretch before rising
Run, romp and play daily .... Eat with gusto & enthusiasm
Be loyal ....... Never pretend to be something you're not
If what you want is buried, dig until you find it
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently
Thrive on attention & let people touch you
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do
On hot days, drink lots of water and rest under a shady tree
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body
No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the "guilt" thing - run right back
and make friends
Bond with your pack
Delight in the simple joy of going for a walk
******************
Introduction
Name: Geoff Allen
Where were you born: Melbourne
Favourite Food: Fruit, Pasta, Ice Cream
Favourite Animals: Labrador, Sharks, Tigers, Fish, Bees
Music I enjoy: Tangerine Dream, Yes, Mike Oldfield, Black
Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, Police, Dire Straits, Kate Bush
Favourite TV Shows: Seinfeld, Red Dwarf, Footy, X-Files,
Documentaries, Star Trek
Favourite Movies: Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail
Life of Brian, Andromeda Strain, Ghostbusters, Poltergeist
War of the Worlds, Apollo 13, Groundhog Day, The Mission
Dr Strangelove, Colossus, 1984, 2001,
Favourite Hobbies: Walking, tennis, cricket, writing
Mah Jong, Chess, Reading, good movies, computers,
daydreaming
Favourite Computer Games: Othello, Tetris, Backgammon,
Oilcap, Spherejong, Doublink, Scrabble
Favourite Books: Red Dwarf, The Politics of Experience,
Twilight of the Idols, The Three Christs of Ypsilanti,
Hirst & Rhodes, The Slow Men, Tao of Physics, 1984
Footy Team: Saints
Favourite Motto: Do Unto others .......... then RUN.
Place you would most like to visit: West Indies
***************************
On Friday January 30th a bunch of us went in by bus to the city and hired some
bikes to ride alongside the Yarra. It was a
pleasant day, not too warm. Riding beside the river was an
enjoyable experience, until the chain on my bike broke and someone else got a
flat tyre. However, it turned out okay because we got a
refund for the 2 bikes that had mishaps.
We then had a nice picnic lunch on the lawn next to the river. The seagulls soon
gathered around us waiting for food scraps. We also saw a couple of doggies
having a swim.
We then walked along to Southbank and had some icecreams. We then wandered to the
Casino building and had a look at the amazing fountains in the foyer. There was tranquil
music and the fountains seemed to operate in time with the music. We also saw laser
lights on the walls which formed pictures of raindrops, fish, and other images.
At one point, there was a kind of fog coming out of the fountains and it was an eerie
feeling putting your head in it. A lot like having your head in the clouds which I am often
said to be.
Overall it was a fun day and I would recommend it to anyone who wants a day out. There
are also cruises along the Yarra which start from about five bucks.
Contributed by Geoff Allen
******************
This one had cd symbol, walkman, 2 columns, mate you haven't lost your imagination...
This album is an absolute classic. Not many records are re-released 25 years after their initial
appearance. This 25th
anniversary edition contains some bonuses. There is an excellent live version of the title song. In actual fact
the "title" song is the entire album! One piece of music that goes for 45 mins may not be everyone's cup-of-
tea, especially if you prefer 3 minute "pop" songs. It is very hard to describe the group Jethro Tull if you
haven't heard em before. They are famous for witty, intelligent lyrics and energetic instrumentals including
flute, percussion and guitar. Then to top it all off, you have the great voice of Ian Anderson.
This album was born in the very experimental era of the early 70's which included such classic albums as
"Phaedra" by
Tangerine Dream; " Dark Side Of The Moon" by Pink Floyd; "Fragile" & "Close To The Edge" by Yes and
the prolific Mike Oldfield who gave us "Tubular Bells", " Hergest Ridge" and "Ommadawn".
This 25th anniversary edition also has a brilliant interview with the group about the making and concept of
the album. And trying to play such a complex piece of music in early concerts. It is quit funny as well as
informative.
To convey some impression of the lyrics on Thick as a Brick I will jot down a couple of verses here. I
hope it doesn't infringe any
copyright laws.
"The poet and the painter casting shadows on the water, as the sun plays on the infantry
returning from the sea. The doer and the thinker, no allowance for the other as the
failing light illuminates the mercenaries creed. The home fires burning, the kettle almost
boiling, but the master of the house is far away. The horses stamping, their warm breath
clouding, in the sharp and frosty morning of the day. And the poet lifts his pen, while the soldier sheaths his
sword."
- Review by Geoff Allen
*********************
This one had telescope, atom and fancy heading - from the design gallery ??
This series attempts to answer the BIG questions human beings have asked
themselves for centuries. What are the stars? How big is the universe? Where did it come
from? How old is it? Is there intelligent life elsewhere in the universe? Is there any
intelligent life on earth? How long is a piece of string? Well, maybe those last 2 questions
aren't covered.
I caught a bit of the first episode as it covered the history of astronomy, through
Copernicus, Kepler, Galileo, Newton, Einstein to modern cosmology. In past
centuries, scientific progress has tended to be discouraged or even actively repressed
when it suggested that some religious dogma may not represent an accurate picture of the
earth and the stars. Galileo, for example, was put under house arrest for the last years of
his life by the Inquisition. His "crime" being that he dared suggest the earth and planets
revolve around the sun rather than the earth being the centre of the universe. Turns out he
was correct, but it upset those who'd rather perpetuate an
inaccuracy than dare to have it questioned. Such people seem to exist throughout history
and still do.
It is only quite recently that our knowledge of the nature of the universe has shown us
such oddities as black holes and the big bang. Stephen Hawking is one of the
leading physicists of the present day. Some say he has the best mind since Einstein. This
is all the more remarkable since he has a debilitating condition which leaves his body
paralysed to the point where he cannot move and communicates via an
artificial voice which is operated by a keyboard on his wheelchair. A truly
remarkable individual.
Future episodes will examine more closely our current view of the universe. It should be
interesting viewing.
It may be that most of this series is over by the time you read this. You may have need of
a Time Machine to go back and catch up with it. I'm sure it will be
repeated in the future. It may even end up on video.
- Geoff Allen
********************
Hawking's Universe (Part 2)
Well, it is a couple of weeks since the first episode, and this series continues the same
high standard. The last episode I watched was called "Cosmic Alchemy" and it attempted
to explain how all the matter in the universe has evolved over billions of years since the
big bang. It is quite a mind-boggling idea to think that all the diversity we see around us
could have had such a simple starting point, where the universe was composed mainly of
energy and hydrogen atoms colliding at fearsome speeds. Eventually as it cooled, gravity
pulled the hydrogen together to form dense clouds, then suns, then planets and after a
couple of billion years life itself. Equally amazing is that humans have been able to work
all this stuff out by a succession of theories, each improving on the previous.
This modern scientific approach was compared and contrasted with the ancient practice
of Alchemy, the ultimate purpose of which is to turn base metals such as lead into gold.
The alchemists believed that everything was composed of different arrangements of four
basic "elements" ,namely earth, fire, air and water. Whilst they were not exactly right in
this line of thinking, they were eeirily accurate in the sense that all mattter is indeed
composed of different arrangements of sub-atomic particles. It is only in our century that
definitive proof of the existence of these particles has been established. In particle
accelerators, scientists speed up partciles to very close to the speed of light and smash
them together to see what results. These ideas can tend to be hard to follow, but this
series does a commendable job of explaining it to the "non-scientist".
Ironically, at the same time as this series is being telecast for the first time, Channel
SBS is screening a repeat of an interesting series entitled "Reality On The Rocks". A
British comedian, Ken Campbell, talks to various physicists including Hawking about
modern theories on the origin and nature of the universe. It is quite interesting and
sometimes humorous as he tries to grapple with some of concepts such as the big bang
and black holes (which apparently aren't as black as we first thought!) Certainly woth a
look if it is still being screened when you read this Newsletter. I saw it advertised as
being on at 4 PM last Wednesday.
- Geoff Allen
**********************
Score
Going Mahjong 20
Concealed Kong of North Winds 32
Exposed Kong of 9 Circles 16
Exposed Pung of South Winds 4
Concealed Pung of White Dragons 8
Pair of East Winds 2
Going Mahjong from a self-pick 2
4 Flowers 16
----------------------
Total 96
----------------------
Doubles: 3 for All Honour Hand
1 for All One Suit
1 for Own Flower
1 for White Dragons
Total score = 96 X 2 X 2 X 2 X 2 X 2 X 2
= 6134
Television Review
Classic Albums
SBS 9:30 PM on Sunday nights
This series started a couple of weeks ago and examines what is involved in the making of classic albums. I think the first one was about Jimmy Hendrix but I didn't see it. I did happen to catch the second episode which focussed on the album "Rumours" by Fleetwood Mac.
What made this program interesting, apart from the music involved was the fact that at the time of it was being recorded, the 2 main couples in the band were breaking up or getting divorced. One would ordinarily expect this to be a huge obstacle to producing good music and co-operation between the members of the group. Not only did they manage to keep working together, but they created a really fabulous album.
I found this program to be an intriguing insight into what goes into the making of a record. It is far more involved than you might expect. Each of the band members contributed their ideas and songwriting skills and apparently they had some lively discussions as to which direction a particular song might require. Then the recording engineer gets involved in mixing the various vocal and instrumental elements to produce the best result.
There are some great lyrics in the songs that made it onto the album. Some are optimistic - such as "Don't Stop (thinking about Tomorrow)" and "You will never break the chain" while others are less so - such as "You can go your own Way". Other songs include "Rhiannon" and "Dreams" which are also great to listen to.
Immediately after the program, I managed to locate a CD of Fleetwood Mac's Greatest Hits and had a good time listening to it.
I look forward to the coming episodes of this program and wonder what other albums will be examined.
Also worth a look: Channel 2 on Monday nights is showing repeats of the classic
sci-fi comedy "Red Dwarf" with Lister, Rimmer, the Cat and Holly the eccentric computer. Still funny even after though they are repeats. The book aint bad either.
Computer Troubles!
Well, we have had some fun & games with the computers lately. The laptop all of a sudden decided it had had enough and refused to operate, giving a message along the lines of
" Command Interpreter corrupted or missing". This required quite a repair job which may be of interest to those of you out there who have computers.
Firstly, if you are running Windows 95 and you don't have a startup disk handy in case of emergencies, it would be a good idea to make one. Here is how you do it - first click the start button and then point to "Settings". You should then see "Control Panel" and click on it. Next click twice on the icon that says "Add/Remove programs" then click on the Tab that says "Startup Disk". Finally click on the button that says "Create It". You should put a blank floppy in the drive before doing this of course. Windows makes this disk into a startup disk and puts tools onto it that can help out when things go wrong.
A computer is a bit like a car in the sense that eventually parts tend to wear out with constant use. The hard disk inside your computer stores all your software and any files that you create yourself such as Word Processing documents or spreadsheets etc. With the passage of time this hard disk can develop faults, you can detect and repair these faults by using a program called SCANDISK. This should be done regularly - with Windows 95 you will find scandisk by clicking on Programs then Accessories. It usually takes about 20 mins to scan your disk and you should have no other programs running while scandisk is doing its stuff. When faults do occur on the hard drive, files can become corrupted. This does not mean they become politicians, it simply means they are damaged in some way.
If vital files have become corrupted, you may find that some of the software doesn't run properly. You may need to re-install the software. If you don't have an original copy of the software you would be stuck. You really should have a copy of all software on your machine including the operating system. In our case, we had to re-install windows 95 since all other attempts to fix the corrupted files were fruitless. If you have windows 95, you might have a copy of the setup files on your hard drive. We found that they were living in the C:\WINDOWS\OPTIONS\CAB directory. We simply executed the file SETUP.EXE and after a long wait the operating system was up and running again.
If you aren't lucky enough to have the setup files on the hard drive you would have to run them from your windows 95 CD, assuming you have a copy of it. You would also need to have a startup disk as mentioned earlier. If you purchase a PC second hand you don't always get all the goodies that come with a new one. A new computer generally comes with a startup disk and a copy of the operating system in case things go wrong, as they inevitably will. Remember Murphy's Law - if something can go wrong it will go wrong, generally at the most inconvenient time.
If you have any computer related questions why not drop us a line here at the Newsletter Group and we will attempt to answer them or at least point you in the right direction.
Imagine That! Page 1
I read with interest the article in the May Newsletter about ways to stop thinking negatively. It contained some good suggestions and here are a couple of my own.
Use your imagination: Negative thinking can become a habit and like any other bad habit can be very hard to break. One suggestion would be to stimulate your imagination more often. As with anything you do, the more you practice, the more skilled you become.
There are various ways of stimulating your imagination. Reading is one excellent example - you bring the words to life in your head as you read.
Having an active imagination can be quite useful when you are feeling negative or in low spirits. If you can at least try to imagine feeling better then there is surely more chance of it actually happening. I wouldn't dare suggest that this is always an easy thing to do. You might say an optimist is someone who generally tends to imagine things will turn out for the better whereas a pessimist tends to do the reverse.
Some relaxation techniques and some forms of meditation teach people to use their imaginations. For example, you might visualise a blank sheet of paper in your head, or imagine yourself floating like a feather. The possibilities are literally endless. Wander into any book store or library and you'll find cassettes and books which go into far more detail about these various ideas and techniques. You might find something that appeals to you.
We grow accustomed to the things around us that we see every day and take them for granted. I like to try to imagine things from the perspective of a visitor from another planet. This visitor would have many questions about how our society works, our machines, our laws and why people do the things they do. (well that's an entire subject all on its own!). You might like to try to imagine things from another perspective than your own.
Most arts & crafts exercise the imagination and also produce tangible results. Songs & music are also examples of the creative power of people's imaginations. Books are further examples of imagination at work. The author creates the characters, personalities and action that takes place in the book.
If you spend any time around young children you'd see they have very active imaginations. It seems a pity that people tend to use their imagination less often as they "grow up" and become "responsible adults". ..... continues on Page 2
Imagine That! Page 2
Many sportsmen use visualisation techniques to improve their motivation and performance. You might visualise yourself playing effortlessly & timing the ball smoothly. The weekly footy results show what a big factor confidence can be. Teams can look fabulous one week and flop the next.
Top sportsmen refer to being in "The Zone". I'm not sure if this is a reference to the old TV show Twilight Zone. I have experienced this myself when I used to play pennant squash. I remember one night in particular. From our warm ups, I fully expected a tough encounter as my opponent seemed quite talented. Plus I was a notoriously slow starter in my matches. However, this night I played my brains out. I was generating power without effort and timing the ball perfectly. What is more, I was changing the direction of my strokes very late. A good player will anticipate where you are likely to hit your shot, so if you continually change the direction he will be left bamboozled and rather perplexed. On this night, I was changing the direction so late that I even surprised myself, whilst still hitting every shot in the middle of the strings. My team mates were stunned as this was far above my usual level of performance. The Zone can be a very elusive and tantalising experience. Once you have experienced being in the zone you naturally want more of it.
I have found the idea of "the zone" to be quite useful for other activities and pursuits.
I would imagine that way back in the days before TV and so much ready-made "entertainment" people used these techniques or something similar to create their own amusement.
Learn something new: Learning stimulates the brain and can shift your focus away from negative thoughts. This does not have to be "education" in the formal sense - you can learn by reading an interesting book or by talking to people or even by watching a documentary on some subject you may not know a lot about.
You might like to imagine your brain is like an office. Imagine your memory is like a filing cabinet. Imagine these filing cabinets contain details of everything you have ever learnt, everything you have heard, everything you have experienced.
That would be an enormous amount of information stored away! Some people say that it is possible in theory to recall any or all of this information. I'm not sure if this is true but it is an interesting possibility.
As with anything in life, what works for some won't work for others. You have to find what works best for your particular personality. In the film Life of Brian, someone said "You're all individuals. You've got to work it out for yourselves". The worst thing you can do is give up the search. You might find useful ideas in the most unexpected of places. I know I have. Good Luck. :)
Geoff Allen
Television Review
This one had WORDART! and embed screen beans
SBS on Sundays at 9:30 PM is screening a series called "More Big Questions". It features Australian physicist Paul Davies talking with Phillip Adams about those big questions in life.
I'm not sure what they could cover that wasn't covered in the original series which I saw a year or so ago. They discussed science and knowledge versus religion; the nature of consciousness; the origins of life etc. I happened to catch the latest episode which dealt with the question "Are we alone in the universe?" and the likelihood that life would develop on another planet and evolve to produce life forms capable of technology that would permit interstellar travel. Davies even discussed the credibility of alien abduction stories which I found interesting if not conclusive.
I think there are still 3 more episodes in the series and it ought to be interesting viewing as Davies is not your typical nerdy scientist who thinks he knows all the answers. On the contrary, he freely admits there are limits to what science can ultimately explain even though it has done a phenomenal job of explaining the many complex aspects of the world around us.
People
People are the voice of love
People try to rise above
People seem to lose their way
People hope for better days
People play the games of life
People try to avoid the strife
People notice too many things
People drift on lazy wings
People know their names
People know their ways
People lose their time
People forget to climb
People are the best of ways
With their own best of days
People tell their stories
With anger in their glories
People need their own plans
People walk through the sands
People call out their names
People stare into the flames
People need their ways
People lose their names
People name their days
People find their games
People think life is absurd
People can be hurt by words
People need to take their time
People find a different rhyme
People make their winless wars
People hunger for applause
People fill their shoes with soil
People spray themselves with oil
People roll their objects down
People stroll around the town
People like to name their days
People try to find new ways
People collect all the facts
People put their toys in sacks
People play with fire and snakes
People need to apply the brakes
People believe in the strangeness of life
People talk to their dogs at night
People deal with ancient riddles
People drift into the middle
People work in workless ways
People stretch their stretchless days
People talk without a word
People listen but have not heard
People keep their mind so busy
People find some pieces missing
People walk through fifteen rooms
People trip like forgotten brooms
People try to understand
People live in a wonderland
People say their lives are messy
People laugh when things go missing
People Page 2
People believe in all the games
People never find their names
People will argue in groups
People hide in the loops
People shout and dash about
People are filled with doubt
People follow the path
People need a raft
People never hear the call
People gather in the hall
People stumble and often fall
People lose sight of the ball
People jump in sharp surprise
People sleep when stars arise
People stand in ancient puddles
People try to catch the bubbles
People dream and fall behind
People wonder what they will find
People try to live in the gloom
People bend light into the room
People plan their Wednesday nights
People climb to misty heights
People need a bowl of porridge
People drown in all their knowledge
People struggle in ways unseen
People make holes in the green
People build their concrete walls
People bounce like rubber balls
People break the golden silence
People are confused by science
People roll their ice cubes home
People crawl inside the dome
People learn from all their days
People walk through cosmic rays
People start the always stop
People see the numbers drop
People believe in the worst of ways
People believe in their next of days
People shine in delicate rays
People struggle inside the maze
People stretch their days
People clean their names
People unite in distant suns
People find their deeds undone
People scream and run away
People wait for another day
People slide into the sand
People think that life is bland
People send their dreams afloat
People live their lives remote
People climb to places unseen
People think their minds are clean
People walk in all directions
People use their own inventions
People walk through space and time
People understand the rhymes
People Page 3
People could live sideways in a forest.
People could float on feathers.
People could tell each other all their secrets.
People could lose their names.
People could change their ways.
People could lose their days.
People could change their lives.
People think their lives are strange
People travel around their cage
People need a helping hand
People throw their seeds on land
People could jump around the town
People could try not to frown.
People could bend their days.
People could mend their ways
People could talk about their fears.
People could live in the years.
People could slowly lose their precious days.
People could live like angles in the forest.
People could travel through the city and never see it.
People could walk into a maze and never find a way out.
This poem is the result of 10 years of exhaustive research by a team of scientists at NASA and I helped a bit, mainly with the spelling.
Geoff Allen
Note: Medical Authorities warn that you should not go swimming or driving or operate any complicated machinery for at least two hours after reading this poem.
People (The sequel)
Yes. Due to overwhelming public demand (well, one person said they liked it), here are the legendary, lost verses of the poem we featured in the August Newsletter:
People talk when they should think
People drop their pens into ink
People straighten the garden hoses
People stop to plant the roses
People like to blame the stars
People buy their drinks in bars
People want to see some changes
People hope there are no dangers
People leap to wrong conclusions
People struggle with confusion
People are fooled by illusions
People love to form unions
People need their creaky boats
People cast their foolish votes
People mumble in the pools
People build pyramids with tools
People see their lives unfold
People try to break the mould
People see their houses sold
People never grow too old
People put magnets in their soup
People feel their chances droop
People fly to other lands
People stretch like rubber bands
People sail across the sea
People love to sip some tea
People dream of being rich
People wonder which is which
People think life is unfair
People wonder what to wear
People put ribbons in their hair
People move from here to there
People tell me to grow up
People fill their coffee cups
People blame the broken rules
People are as stubborn as mules
People watch their TV screens
People wonder what it means
People eat their reds and greens
People dream of grander scenes
Opinion Page
This one had Auto Shapes and embeded clipart
Here is an assortment of random opinions. You probably won't agree with all of them but that's the whole idea of having an opinion page.
I think that people should eat more fruit.
I think that the Beatles were the best group of all time.
I think that the Titanic movie was too long and boring.
I think that people are not as friendly as they used to be.
I think that everyone is confused but some hide it better than others.
I think that the X-files is one of the best shows on TV.
I think that people should sing more often.
I think that the world needs fewer politicians.
I think that modern living is too complicated.
I think that people are too busy to stop and wonder why they live the way they do.
I think that people should live like monkeys in the forest.
I think that hatred is an unproductive emotion.
I think that life is like a bowl of soup.
I think that aliens built the pyramids.
I think that everyone should dress up like clowns at least once a week.
I think that people rarely say what they really think.
I think that there is too much violence in films.
I think that everyone should carry an onion around in their pockets.
I think that people don't laugh enough.
I think that people should buy more toys.
I think that people should learn to entertain themselves rather than rely too heavily on TV, video and other modern gadgets.
I think that ghosts are real.
I think that too much time is spent on unimportant matters.
I think that there would be a lot less trouble in the world if people would try to see things from the other person's point of view.
I think that people should keep their opinions to themselves.
I think that nobody's opinion is correct and nobody's opinion is wrong. Some opinions are merely more common than others.
Note: the opinions expressed here do not necessarily reflect the views of ERMHA management or staff.
Poems by Geoff Allen
Poems to warp your mind
Digitally Enhanced Reality
Flashing lights and neon screens
Blues and reds and so many greens
Eyes fixed in translucent stare
Electrons reflected in the glare
I used to be part of this digital madness
Enhancing the world with extra sadness
I used to believe in all the little numbers
I used to live inside a robot
I used to stand on the corner
I could hear the money being made
The House
I found a house so dimly lit
I tried to enter but could not fit
On chairs I stood and found the key
In slow motion I walked away
Sparrows
I dreamt I was in a field full of sparrows
The rooms were straight and narrow
I supplied the rocks
The sparrows all wore socks
Unrelated Puzzles
Thinking without words
Knowledge without facts
Trying without effort
Moving without action
Convictions without reasons
Anger without cause
Structures without boundaries
Leaders without direction
Profit without motive
Questions without answers
Rejection
People throw things into the sea
Because they never know where anything will ever be
People throw their tantrums and their lanterns
People throw anything that they could ever land on
Glimpses
In a single moment of shattering clarity
I saw eternity in a blade of grass
It was an instant with no disparity
The present and future became the past
There was another moment
I hesitate to bring it up
I paused for just a second
And saw infinity in a paper cup
There was no doubt and no confusion
No-one was confounded by illusion
Now we all live in a tiny hut
The blades of grass have all been cut
Fragmentation
I used to wear magnetic soles
My mind was riddled with tiny holes
I threw caution into the void
I grew closer to the droid
I grabbed every language
I walked through broken dreams
I walked under the chariot
I tried to mend the seams
I was a button on the wall
I heard the ancient sirens call
I watched the world fall apart
I just needed one more dart
Poems by Geoff Allen
Poems to cure Cancer
Changes
I used to be a caveman
In love with my own mind
I am still a caveman
My thoughts have been realigned
I was master of every illusion
I could even feed on confusion
I was buried as if in deep mud
I found there is always a bud
People dwell on worlds so flimsy
They find much comfort in whimsy
People are the nearest of angels
We hear the sound of distant bells
We used to believe in money and wealth
We could not see it ruining our health
I have seen the worst of your life
I suppose it must cut like a knife
You may wonder where is your luck
In truth would you rather be a duck
I have lived your pain
What have you gained
Everything changes sometimes quite sudden
There are more angles in a pyramid
The Secret of Life
He whispered it softly
I was distracted
His thoughts were so lofty
His face was enraptured
He spoke of the world
And all of its traps
Be more like a cat
And take lots of naps
He spoke of society
It was so complex
The source of anxiety
Wondering what is next
He spoke about death
And worlds beyond
Think about life
As a lily on a pond
He stopped his speech
I began to wonder why
It was just of reach
Like a bird in the sky.
Information Overload
The people drowned in the ocean of words
Their digital information now seems absurd
The people cried out for help from above
In silent dreams they would push and shove
Scattered and defeated the political midgets fled
Not one could be safe and secure in bed
One radiant leader proclaimed his throne
His journey was interrupted by a cellular phone
Transactions
Sell me a future
I have all the money
Sell me a future
Tell me it's funny
Sell me the world
I'm in such a dash
Sell me the world
I have enough cash
Sell me your life
I need to make a profit
Give me your life
I'll make something of it
You Never Know
What lies around the next corner
You never know what you might see
You never know who is watching
You never know who it might be
You never see the future
Unless you are a prophet
You never know the answer
You may just have to bluff it
Shall we forget
I like to believe in the adjustments of life
People tell me things but they never tell me why
Can we learn to forget our everyday minds
Would it make much difference if I could fly
Can we ever believe in our own lifetimes
Can we ever predict the days of our lives
Could we put people into a forest of trees
Should we even try to stop the disease
Can I make much more than this
Should I find a way through the mist
Is there anyone in the ocean of words
Will they fall down from the birds
Poems by Geoff Allen
Crazy Little Poems
Lives of our Days
We all feel the sun's rays
Many hear the poet's phrase
Some will wander all their days
Could we find enough to praise
Mania
My brain is charged with electric force
I feel as if I could walk through walls
I'm not mad and I'm not insane
I have lions and tigers in my brain
Why
Why do we wish for things
That cannot be
Why do we send people
Into the dark sea
Why do we tell ourselves
It will be alright
Why do we find reasons
To start a fight
Why do we live this way
Why do we wait for better days
Some
Some will live their famous lives
Some will try to drain the hives
Some find labels hard to read
Some think that they can lead
Some toil on without a light
Some should never try to fight
Some will change their own names
Some would like to feed the flames
Meditation with Distractions
Life is stranger than an onion sandwich
Life is a stranger in the dark
Life is a bit like lunch with an ostrich
Life is an unexpected spark
Untitled and Incomplete
I was born in the next of dreams
I was dead or so it seems
I have seen your thirteenth name
I could never feel the same
Enigma
I fell out of the world
I saw flags unfurled
I felt no need for explanation
I screamed in silent jubilation
I felt cosmic energy in my veins
I opened my house to flooding rains
I threw candles into the wind
I pulled ideas out of a hat
I became everything and everyone
I lived inside the rising sun
I was granted each and every wish
Then I woke up and fed the fish
Out of Time
Time drips slowly
People looking lonely
Time folds backwards
In psychiatric wards
I was born in a land of dreams
I was born to sew the seams
I could never find my name
I would never play the game
Poems by Geoff Allen
Okay here are the bits cut out or edited .....
These are bits that got cut out of final versions.....
Onions
People roll their onions down
People bounce them down from down
Numbers
Sixteen days on a cloud
Sixteen dreams in a crowd
Sixteen thoughts spoken aloud
Sixteen trees growing proud
Twelve Mondays in a row
Twelve loaves of rising dough
Twelve objects to throw
Twelve things to know
Fifteen stones casually thrown
Fifteen lawns evenly mown
Fifteen people all alone
Fifteen dances on the throne
Pure Nonsense
I used to bounce into a room
And fall away flat
I could never walk onto a beach
Or bounce on a mat
I used to scream in a big box
I collected blue socks
I saw oceans of ice
I lived with this and that
Crows
Outrageous similarities between 97 & 98! Rafter & Harvey & Team finishes on top with long win streak and leads at 1/2 time then collapses! Sparks quite a few! (apart fro Ron & 97 & "as important as you make it") There IS something to be said for being the underdog with no pressure! and can play freely with "nothing to lose".
1984 - at the end where despite his efforts he ends up loving Big Brother! Oh yeah! like the Mormons! Mate! Zen! You of ALL people say to disregard results & concepts! & like Laing! Competitive society - "winning" comes at someone's expense (and they may not take it well!) Applies to other more important aspects of life! such as Sex, JOBS etc .... Oh plus the modern trend of ungracious winners and supproters! has invaded all sports! Plus I should be used to it! 1984 was about the last satisfactory GF !! 90's has been a shocker! Coll, 2 Eagles, 2 Crows, Haw, Carl!
Blight SURE has made up for the bad luck with Cats! 3 losses with an Ablett NOW 2 wins out of 2 with no full forward! Irony! A lot of Vics happy!? As Carey is seen as a wanker by many!
Brings up the whole question of why you barrack and "Anyone can barrack for a successful team. It takes real character to barrack for a team like St Kilda (masochism and a sense of humour!)
Quite apart from the artificial aspect of it all! I mainly mean the "National" competition! Where in the world is there one like ours with !) from one state! A bit hard to take when they now have 2 in 8 years of existence and we have one in over a hundred! It is a good life lesson! Life aint fair - get used to it!
Plus there is the tribal aspect - in a very sterile modern society.... others have noted this .... I facetiously suggested to Lewis a couple of years ago that he should barrack for the crows to really get up Michael's nose!
Like the Mormons! I can't let-it-go !.... and really tis very similar in a sense! You somehow come to terms with the ultimate absurdity! Namely existence of people who somehow can convince themselves this represents the actions of a "loving" God so coming to terms with crows fans ought to be a piece of cake - you know there are obnoxious morons in the world hmm.... and really compared with the other unfairness in thw\e world this is chicken feed - I mean looks, personality, charisma, instincts, social skills, etc! oh plus the very apt one - having complete morons as parents!
COULD even see it as a positive lesson! The team which for years was pathetic on-the-road now is fearless and travelled 5 consec weeks! (and beautiful timing to play a lousy one in the 4th vs. 5th which is essentially meaningless! Blight is a genius! (also ironic)
2.18 in 2nd & 4th quarters! They outchoked the Saints!
No sudden movements
What is this poem trying to say
Can I read it everyday
Is it nonsense or is it profound
Will it turn me upside down
Is this poem designed
To bend or warp my mind
Who is this poem written for
Can it make my spirits soar
Is this poem finished yet
Can I treat it as a pet
Will this poem follow the path
Will it make me cry or laugh
Will this poem make me think
Was the pen dipped in ink
Does it have some deep message
Will I find the crucial passage
Does it have some hidden meaning
Which way is the poet leaning
Will this poem change my life
Can it help to end the strife
When will this poem ever end
Should I go back and read it again
Is this poem going somewhere
Or is it in fact already there
Imaginary Conversations
I asked him about his sentimental ways
He told me there were never enough days
I asked him for some instant advice
He told me to consider an ocean of ice
People with their lives so busy
Never notice pieces missing
People in their western ways
Learn to count their angry days
People with their lives so free
Never know what soon shall be
Like some half remembered episode
From someone else's life
Irregularities
The universe is ruled by chance
Randomness and circumstance
Inside atoms the electrons dance
In some crazy cosmic trance
A Sensible Man
There once was a very sensible man
His every move he would carefully plan
He weighed up every pro and con
He never jumped into the pond
He never trusted his many hunches
He never skipped his regular lunches
He had no faith in instincts or luck
He never wanted to be like a duck
He had no time for imagination
He rarely felt any fascination
He always loved to analyse
He felt a need to categorise
One day he woke up and wondered
Perhaps he had completely blundered
He felt a sudden urge to dance
He decided to rely on chance
Unknown and Unheard
People love their angry screams
They believe the ancient dreams
People fall apart at the seams
Nothing is ever what it seems
People love their angry lives
They wake up in a forest of knives
Walking through icy mountain streams
They call out to each other in dreams
Poems by Geoff Allen
Hey .... Wasnt that altered .... Twisted logic etc - not to mention seeee latest TXT files!!!!!
PUB versions of newies and Michelle wants to frame ... god .....
Here's Twisted logic as it went in ??.......
Irregularities
The universe is ruled by chance
Randomness and circumstance
Inside atoms the electrons dance
In some crazy cosmic trance
A Sensible Man
There once was a very sensible man
His every move he would carefully plan
He weighed up every pro and con
He never jumped into the pond
He never trusted his many hunches
He never skipped his regular lunches
He had no faith in instincts or luck
He never wanted to be like a duck
He had no faith in imagination
He rarely felt any fascination
He always loved to analyse
He felt a need to categorise
One day he woke up and wondered
Perhaps he had completely blundered
He felt a sudden urge to dance
He decided to rely on chance
Relativity
People think their names are real
People live in a spinning wheel
People peer through ancient eyes
People love to be surprised
Philosopher's Song
I ask the questions nobody asks
I wonder about the nature of things
I go about my daily tasks
I wish I had an angel's wings
No sudden movements
What is this poem trying to say
Can I read it everyday
Is it nonsense or is it profound
Will it turn me upside down
Is this poem designed
To bend or warp my mind
Who is this poem written for
Can it make my spirits soar
Is this poem finished yet
Can I treat it as a pet
Will this poem follow the path
Will it make me cry or laugh
Will this poem make me think
Is there some obscure link
Does it have some deep message
Will I find the crucial passage
Does it have some hidden meaning
Which way is the writer leaning
Will this poem change my life
Can it help to end the strife
When will this poem ever end
Should I go back and read it again
Is this poem going somewhere
Or is it in fact already there
A Robot Meditates
I build myself
I see no switches
I walk through doors
I fall from grace
I move silently
I never sleep
I build circuits
I call out my name
I am nameless
I use batteries
I need repairs
I never die
Twisted Logic
People laugh as the corn grows
People stare at the evil crows
People scream when darkness falls
People throw stones at the walls
Wishful Thinking
I fill the world with ancient wonder
I scatter armies in the night
I resurrect the hopes of those down under
I see your fondest dreams take flight
Poems by Geoff Allen
Here's Identity Crisis in case I hadn't put it in .....
I am a magnetic point of light
I am an insect in a field of snow
I fight to set things right
My thoughts begin to glow
I call myself the ancient warrior
I am a knight in borrowed armour
I crawl upon this icy land
Sparks fly out from my hand
I am shattered and reconstructed
Every pathway seems disconnected
Reality dissolves as I grab it
Like some careless alien bandit
I am a horse with no rider
I am a wizard without a spell
I am a rock without a spider
I am a bucket in the wishing well
Ideas and possibilities flower
In a staggering electric shower
Endless words and nameless ways
Fill the air with ghostly haze
I am not worried by this sight
It arrives on its nightly flight
I wait in quiet expectation
I welcome it with hesitation
I am a rope twisted and cut
I am priest in a tiny hut
I am sun without a planet
I am a freely spinning magnet
Madness never comes too soon
I fill the oceans on the moon
Where is my name and number
Questions vanish in timeless slumber
These four walls cannot hide me
With a million words to guide me
Taking every moment forward
Free to spend the full reward
And here are the PUB ones ??
Nnnnn
Guesswork
Up down
Left Right
This way that way
Which is right
I don't know
I haven't a clue
And I suspect
Neither do you
Roll the dice
Read the numbers
Jump downstairs
Rolling thunder
Spin the wheel
Break the stick
Ask the question
Answer it quick
Choose your weapon
Learn how to scream
Hope for the best
Walk away from the dream
Solve the riddle
Riddle me silly
Puzzle me quickly
Boil the billy
Forwards backwards
Sideways under
Forgotten plans
Ancient blunders
Follow the arrow
Walk the path
Borrow a rainbow
Bend it in half
Can we believe in the future
Can we believe in the past
Can we believe in ourselves
Can we run so fast
Can we start a new day
Can we live in the old way
Can we find our own plan
Can we save a drowning man
Can we fool ourselves today
Can we hope for fair play
Can we wander off the track
Can we find our own way back
Can we make a golden age
Can we rattle this old cage
Can we end the public rage
Can we build a better stage
Can we bury our heads in sand
Can we wait for a promised land
Can we learn enough to give
Can we give enough to live
Can we live without our toys
Can we try to make new joys
Can we stop and ever listen
Can we find the pieces missing
Can we sharpen all our skills
Can we smell the daffodils
Can we put away our drills
Can we cure all the ills
Can we land on rugged shores
Can we hunger for applause
Can we dance like monkeys now
Can we find some seeds to plough
Can we bend our lives too far
Can we laugh away the scar
Can we mend our damaged souls
Can we keep searching for gold
Can we live like birds in flight
Can we trust in second sight
Can we force our world to pay
Can we teach them all to play
Well, this mini relapse has done one thing! Put an EDGE on poems! Boy! Try this aews! .... It is called The nightmare of Schizophrenia!
Each day I wake up and ask
Is this the day I go completely insane
It seems a never ending task
To subdue the demons in my brain
I try to pretend that all is fine
I search for answers that don't exist
I wonder if my thoughts are mine
Is there anything left to twist
I feel like an eagle trapped in a cage
For the amusement of some unseen crowd
I struggle against the rusty chains
My silent thoughts echo so loud
My feelings have all been hijacked
By who or what I do not know
Like the earth after a comet's impact
For me there is no tomorrow
Tormented by questions that have no answers
And thoughts that have no description
Am I one of life's crazy dancers
Will my tomb bear the inscription
I am a ghost amongst the living
I am a wizard without a spell
Pleasures stolen without giving
I am a bucket in the wishing well
Can I go on like this much longer
I fell like vanishing down the hole
Can I find a way to be any stronger
Is there a way to reclaim my soul
What indeed does the future hold
I wonder how this nightmare ends
In the words of the song the Beatles sold
I get by with a little help from my friends
Boy!!! Same day as 2nd wobbly for cup bbq - see marilyn.doc ... god ..... and glenn!
And these beauties.....
People ask me to blame my life
I say blame it blame it away
People tell me about the shame of life
I let them know what I did today
Commonwealth Rehabilitation Service.DOC
Well this is written after latest Marilyn - she is NICE! - ... quite a few issues! such as WHY. Why do I want to do it - just financial ? parents and rent ? inherit ? Plus the biggie of where would my CURRENT skills be used - schools? business? look on the web ?? she's on web! .... look in papers>.....
Then there's the question of temperament! (I did bring up fact that SOME of people with Schizophrenia are quite creative - if a bit disorganised! Laing ....) After so many years can I discipline myself to a routine and having to show up no matter what! hmm... How will I assess how I'm going - stress level - I am a BIT better at handling things and the more often I try something new and actually enjoy it ...
They get our Newsletter! and I mention new CEO and dynamic and improved atmosphere at Leonard .... Where is Excel 97 used .... where to find out? TAFE ???
THEN there are the notes for if & when I do actually.... such as:
* BREATHE * STRETCH * POEMS
* ZEN * WALK * VOICE & WHISTLE AND FLOW!
* Confidence ... is a funny thing ... plus humour plus...
* Refresh .... more ? ... mate if it isn't INSTINCTIVE ...
Plus the other "coping" sections ... sheee.... The new poems - see "More Ideas .TXT" - especially the Sensible Man poem! Added to after I vote! (for the Alien Magic Party - they control my mind!) and this which equally applies to individuals ... and choices...
People are too hard on politicians - you cannot honestly expect them to be any better because the world is a vastly complex and evolving place. It is in fact more complex and changing faster than ever before. So the best pollys can do is guess. I would vote for anyone who admitted this is our best guess and is worth trying rather than these religious type statements of God-like certainty - Geooff dogmatic is the word you are lookin for! .... because you simply cannot be sure if the approach that has worked in the past will continue to work or to be the best approach .. send it .. why bother ..
It keeps coming!!! After internet (python, win 95, Eakes, tips, ballot etc) ... I can only describe things from my POINT of VIEW. That's what the poems are all about - an attempt to convey what it has been like. I would describe it as having psychedlic experiences without chemical inducement like LSD !
I seem to have this instinctive mistrust of convention, be it in sport, relig, or approach to life via concepts. So, in a world based largely on conventional ideas I will never fit in terribly well, it is always going to be a balancing act as to how much contact I wish to have with convention and its advocates (and whether the reasons are strong enough to endure it)
...............................see page 2 - it never ends .... argh ........
Then why rehab at all! well I am ambivalent argh .... write to parents? Publisher? and the poems ?? It is a different point of view!! .... I suspect a lot of people are very reluctant adopters of conventionality and could never articulate it as I have. They seem to have a vague uneasiness they could never express too well (except in violence of word or deed??) Also very few get the opportunity to live as unconventionally!! Hmm... THEN! new poem The Psychotic Dream! (or True Identity??) Quite apart from the fact society ONLY continues if enough conform to prevent utter chaos! Yet it's the unconventional who produce most of the entertainment!!
Now what! Oct 7, 1998 (11 degrees when 2 days away from being able to use gas for heating! thanks! And briefly the old anger resurfaces! Well, it is AMAZING it doesn't happen more often! "If I have to become like them to survive I'd rather be dead! In fact you'd have to do a lobotomy on me! I don't know how people live the way they do -and I don't WANT to know! It makes me SCREAM! People are so stupid I cannot believe they are real!
Then of course, you guessed it, five mins later manic burst! you are INSANE! but I keep saying! when it hits it is intense and likely to do something impulsive!
Oh yeah there was a bit of the old nastiness like Pepole deseve psychopaths in fact they are directly responsible for creating them! I really wish I could vaporise all the dull and pathetic! and all the bullshit artists! It wouldn't leave too many alive but that's the BIG problem - the human population has reached plague proportions! Boy ....
Same day as this gem? - memo to the Democrats. There is an old adage If you try and please everyone you'll end up pleasing no-one. They talk about making the GST fair. I'd really like them to show me one piece of legislation in the entire history of Western civilisation that is 100 % fair to every single member of society. It is unfortunate but it cannot be done. So it always gets down to debating opinions as to which is the fairest way to proceed. The Democrats have to ask themselves whether their small % of the vote means that people share their opinion. Politicians are very fond of making dogmatic statements when in fatc all they are doing is expressing an opinion. send it ?
Very same day! I actually read something! That huge book of quotations I may give Dad for Xmas from the book club. Boy, I thought I could write! - Lennon, Keays, Laing, Russel, Bible, happiness, madness ...maybe I should keep it! Mate, that is WHY they are famous! Then again! nothing quite like my psychotic poems! or Pathways! As if you'd be the first to have his thoughts wander along such lines. Maybe wandered to further extremes than most except Nietzsche - who went mad! Also Orwell ... but no Shipton or Nostradamus!? Hmm... NOT to mention the other books lying around the Lounge! like Tao of Pooh, Return of the Gods, Awakening to Zen, Nostradamus or OFFICE then again I rarely even practice shee....
Next day (after Newsletter & Jo & print a couple....) see pocket sheet for work & "everyday" as if! Printed on the reverse side of Identity Crisis poem! - add these reminders - Valerian? Read? Take books I mentioned? Internet - ZDNET, MEDICAL, YAHOO, PAPERS, PEOTRY, UFO, MAGS ETC... Plax Manic surge lately - will it continue?
Subatomic aliens on one micro! Qld 98 - photos+swim+O'Reilly's+Yowies+Balms+Rochford+Mahjong+Rumi+read Tao on plane + piggy-back + Jenga +++ "I'm not mad. I'm a remote-controlled robot from outer space." Stretch & PC progs!
It also listed all poems/articles .. boy ... now hows about actually reading em... Laugh & humour & Seinfeld! Tapes?
Oh it keeeeeps comin! - See a txt file called "Holy Christ manic surge continues!" - more for CRS doc ! and sites and Newsletter directions and .... oh plus Di and password!!! she is still intrigued...
Boy! .....
...................................NOW SEE PAGE 3 AND OTHER FILES .... CHRIST ......
Then - oh now I am confused! There is PRINTHIS.TXT, MORE IDEAS.TXT, REVISED VERSION OF JOURNEY FOR LEONARD AND PASSWORD, THIS ONE, PRINT THESE.DOC AND ARE THEY ALL ... OH DOES IT MATTER... I NEVER READ....... PLUS POEMS... ARGH ....
Here's some from ONE PC trip ......
VERY next day! pc swapmeet - God!!!!! you could go mad! I end up buying Bookshelf 98, Library of Future, Encarta 98 $10? datecrack??, and pc trouble shooter but hte range is unbelievable!!!!!!! Saw Print master Gold & Hallmark - but Publisher does as well? wizards? Plus Cooking, every conceivable reference subject, 75 years NFL, clipart, fonts, teach yourself, kids, god.... plus trivia for xmas? plus Corel Wordperfect 8 (Ireckon word97 is superb!) plus adapters Keyboards systems! ($600 for box with no monitor etc - RING about upgrade! plus cd recordables plus plus..... YET!!! on the way there I write this! - John was starting to wonder if his biggest problem was ambivalence. Maybe you couldn't live on the knife edge between sanity and madness and expect to do justice to either. There were times he was absolutely convinced that his best option would be as complete an
isolation from society as possible. Yet, at other times he was equally convinced of the opposite point of view. He felt as if he was being pulled in two diametric opposite directions at once. Surely his mind must snap eventually. He was beginning to realise that once you question absolutely everything then you can never be sure of anything ever again.
So, the pc meet is ironic in 2 ways! (a) Well, it ideally illustrates the
ambivalence! To cling to something that is currently booooming in society and can be
discussed! (b) My work OUGHT to be in the reference collection! alongside Lewis Carrol
& Joyce! As the greatest psychotic masterpiece in history! Well, it works for me! Others
are far too timid and pay the price! YET! Ultimately I dearly wish I had absolutely
nothing to write about! My writings only occur in a world I see as absurd & confused &
lost. Seeeee more ideas.txt for even more bizarre poems .... Christ .....
In a blinding flash of revelation he realised all the philosophers had missed a vital point. God is not sane, people are. Sanity is an unnatural state forced upon people in order to sustain a physical existence. Since god is not a physical being, he has no need to be sane. It blew his mind.
I am the next madman you will ever need
I am joined by fifteen angels (and devils)
I laugh as they fly around my head
I find a shoe and softly wear it I used to walk around like an angry mutant
I see the world and grin and bear it I used to scream into the face of madness
I squeeze my life into a cave I was a flame in the ocean of blood
Free to scream and rant and rave I was a screaming mutant in a tree
If heaven is full of people like you
I'd rather be in an angel's zoo ,........ work on that aews! and into Di copy ??.....
Pure Nonsense
I used to believe in the worst of life I used to believe in the rimless roimzy
I used to believe in the blextroid of knives I used to believe in tiny fairies that
I was a sponge in a crime of the insane Spread happiness dust on people as they
I was jesus in his early lives Sleep in the nightmare of normality
I used to believe in the shame of life I used to believe in all the little barking
I used to believe in the plink of ploinkly I was a number in an equation in your blood
I was a spectator in the lives of the insane Where is all the barking and all the barking nos
I was a mutant priest in a holy cave I used to be an angel in a jar of mud
Include random brainwave as a memory......
Okay, here is the poem but ah combine2 has journey - big shift in intro? oct 98 after Di & password!!
The Mad Prophet
I am the voice of the insane
Aliens gladly control my brain
I could bounce on a thousand knives
I love to believe in the stretching of lives
I bend my life in fifteen ways
I scream and laugh in walls of stone
I fold along the dotted lines
I jump into the ocean alone
I was born like the extra madman
I walk through valleys of steam
I was born like a nameless madman
People never know when to scream
People tell me about their lives
I tell them they should use more knives
Lives and knives, lives and knives
People lose their lives and knives
People find their blood will spill
And ever ever ever always will
I could make your heart explode
By thoughts or even a psychic load
I am a slowly melting lava lake
Your thoughts are but mine to make
I shout and scream and laugh like thunder
I steal your mind and soul and wonder
TAFE.DOC
Oh it never ends with me! this and the 3 CRS pages.... argh .... I nearly blush as Di reads em (and ONLY likes Transactions & Why?) - mate! you SAY you write for yourself mainly and even say this is for the very few .... anyway .... STAX! I should take micro - then again I never read what I got already! not to mention the 4 o\r 5 books in lounge to which I add Joyce today! sheee... after Internet and Mahjong! and Gutenberg - see sites.txt ... print ..... anyway stax! including new hot student - Caroline! - and Jabberwocky and never handed Di the printout but put icon & password ... Maybe everyone deludes themselves maybe mine is just an uncommon delusion. Oh yeah, Krishnamurti - well truth is a concept - and a matter of perspective, well essentially he's sayin that!
Yep It is all perspective and all I can say is how it seems from my point of view. Well, this is how I handle things. It is debatable if any other method would have been better or worse. You can't rewind unless you believe in time travel. But it has seeemed instinctive - and yet at time also seemed like manipulation by some external unseen force.... you are mad ... but mate! as ALWAYS! if you were truly convinced (and you are now the supreme skeptic so you never can be!) you would not be in any rehab and just see if it just happens if you wish or persist long enough ...
Also compile best of latest poems ..a rgh.... AMBIVALENCE is the key word! I never know from one moment to the next how I will view things..... the phiosopher's lament? Mate, is any of this useful.. well as all I write - depends ..... oh plus told them of new digital camera and software to play round with eventually! but I'm still dubious! it surely ONLY comes on floppy and if not networked how can that PC get it installed??? anyway..... plus the toxic glue episode of Seinfeld ... plus stacks - mate! you have noted ALLLL this before! AT times you do CONNECT and enjoy people esp kids! but other times boy ....
Okay, here is rest of just the latest ramblings of a chaotic, warped, skeptical mind - off CRS.DOC
[First Here's the quotes - may as well....]
Throughout recorded time . . . there have been three kinds of people in the world, the High, the Middle, and the Low. They have been subdivided in many ways, they have borne countless different names, and their relative numbers, as well as their attitude towards one another, have varied from age to age: but the essential structure of society has never altered. Even after enormous upheavals and seemingly irrevocable changes, the same pattern has always reasserted itself, just as a gyroscope will always return to equilibrium, however far it is pushed one way or the other. The aims of these three groups are entirely irreconcilable.
George Orwell (1903-50), First words of Goldstein's book, Nineteen Eighty-Four, pt. 2, ch. 9 (1949).
Doublethink means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one's mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them.
George Orwell (1903-50), British author. Nineteen Eighty-Four, pt. 2, ch. 9 (1949), extract from Goldstein's book. See Fitzgerald on Intelligence.
Writers
All writers are vain, selfish and lazy, and at the very bottom of their motives lies a mystery. Writing a book is a long, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand.
George Orwell (1903-50), British author. "Why I Write" (1947; repr. in Collected Essays, 1961).
Individual science fiction stories may seem as trivial as ever to the blinder critics and philosophers of today- but the core of science fiction, its essence . . . has become crucial to our salvation if we are to be saved at all.
Isaac Asimov (1920-92), Russian-born U.S. author. "My Own View," in The Encyclopedia of Science Fiction (ed. by Robert Holdstock, 1978; repr. in Asimov on Science Fiction, 1981).
Only the most acute and active animals are capable of boredom.- A theme for a great poet would be God's boredom on the seventh day of creation.
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900), German philosopher. The Wanderer and His Shadow, aph. 56 (1880).
The aphorism, the apophthegm, in which I am the first master among Germans, are the forms of "eternity"; my ambition is to say in ten sentences what everyone else says in a book- what everyone else does not say in a book.
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900), German philosopher. Twilight of the Idols, "Expeditions of an Untimely Man," aph. 51 (1889).
For believe me!- the secret of realizing the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment of existence is: to live dangerously! Build your cities on the slopes of Vesuvius! Send your ships out into uncharted seas! Live in conflict with your equals and with yourselves! Be robbers and ravagers as long as you cannot be rulers and owners, you men of knowledge! The time will soon be past when you could be content to live concealed in the woods like timid deer!
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900), German philosopher. The Gay Science, aph. 283 (rev. ed. 1887).
Wherever there are walls I shall inscribe this eternal accusation against Christianity upon them- I can write in letters which make even the blind see . . . I call Christianity the one great curse, the one great intrinsic depravity, the one great instinct for revenge for which no expedient is sufficiently poisonous, secret, subterranean, petty- I call it the one immortal blemish of mankind . . .
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900), German philosopher. The Anti-Christ, aph. 62 (1895).
I teach you the Superman [�bermensch]. Man is something that should be overcome.
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900), German philosopher. Thus Spoke Zarathustra, pt. 1, "Zarathustra's Prologue," sct. 3 (1883-92).
One receives as reward for much ennui, despondency, boredom- such as a solitude without friends, books, duties, passions must bring with it- those quarter-hours of profoundest contemplation within oneself and nature. He who completely entrenches himself against boredom also entrenches himself against himself: he will never get to drink the strongest refreshing draught from his own innermost fountain.
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900), German philosopher. The Wanderer and his Shadow, aph. 200 (published as second supplement to Human, All Too Human, 1880).
The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything.
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900), German philosopher. Thus Spoke Zarathustra, pt. 1, "Of Old and Young Women" (1883-92; tr. 1961).
We are bemused and crazed creatures, strangers to our true selves, to one another, and to the spiritual and material world- mad, even, from an ideal standpoint we can glimpse but not adopt.
R. D. Laing (1927-89), British psychiatrist. The Politics of Experience, Introduction (1967).
f you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.
Thomas Szasz (b. 1920), U.S. psychiatrist. The Second Sin, "Schizophrenia" (1973).
People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds; it is something one creates.
Thomas Szasz (b. 1920), U.S. psychiatrist. The Second Sin, "Personal Conduct" (1973).
He who does not accept and respect those who want to reject life does not truly accept and respect life itself.
Thomas Szasz (b. 1920), U.S. psychiatrist. The Second Sin, "Suicide" (1973).
It is with unfathomable love, pure joy and no regret that we leave this world. Men, do not cry for our fate, but cry for your own.
Members of the Order of the Solar T New York Times, p. 1 (October l4, 1994). the "very last message," before the suicide of 48 members in Geneva, discovered October 14, 1994.
It is not worth the bother of killing yourself, since you always kill yourself too late.
E. M. Cioran (b. 1911), Rumanian-born French philosopher. The Trouble with Being Born, ch. 2 (1973).
There is in every madman a misunderstood genius whose idea, shining in his head, frightened people, and for whom delirium was the only solution to the strangulation that life had prepared for him.
Antonin Artaud (1896-1948), French theater producer, actor, theorist. Van Gogh, the Man Suicided by Society (1947; repr. in Selected Writings, pt. 33, ed. by Susan Sontag, 1976).
And what is an authentic madman? It is a man who preferred to become mad, in the socially accepted sense of the word, rather than forfeit a certain superior idea of human honor. So society has strangled in its asylums all those it wanted to get rid of or protect itself from, because they refused to become its accomplices in certain great nastinesses. For a madman is also a man whom society did not want to hear and whom it wanted to prevent from uttering certain intolerable truths.
Antonin Artaud (1896-1948), French theater producer, actor, theorist. Van Gogh, the Man Suicided by Society, (1947; repr. in Selected Writings, pt. 33, ed. by Susan Sontag, 1976).
Surrealism, movement in literature and the fine arts, founded by French poet and critic Andr� Breton in Paris in 1924. Surrealism grew out of the movement known as dadaism (see Dada). Like dadaism, surrealism emphasized the role of the unconscious in creative activity, but it employed the psychic unconscious in a more orderly and more serious manner.
The surrealists claimed as their literary forebears a long line of writers, including the Comte de Lautr�amont. Besides Breton, other French writers connected with the movement include Paul �luard, Louis Aragon, Ren� Crevel, and Philippe Soupault. Pure surrealist writers employed automatism, wherein they wrote whatever words came into their conscious mind. They did not alter what they wrote, under the theory that this free flow of thought would establish a rapport with the subconscious mind of their readers. Surrealists broke accepted rules of work and personal conduct in order to liberate their sense of inner truth. The movement spread all over the world and flourished in the United States during World War II (1939-1945).
In painting and sculpture surrealism is one of the leading influences of the 20th century. Surrealists often employed abstract and fantastic shapes and forms, with a great variety of content and technique. Members of the movement included German artist Max Ernst, French artist Jean Arp, American painter and photographer Man Ray, French painter Andr� Masson, Spanish painter Joan Mir�, French-American painter Yves Tanguy, Belgian artist Ren� Magritte, Swiss sculptor and painter Alberto Giacometti, and Catalan painter Salvador Dal�. An American offshoot of surrealism is the group of artists known as the magic realists, which includes Paul Cadmus, George Tooker, Ivan Le Lorraine Albright, Philip Evergood, Peter Blume, Louis Guglielmi, and Joseph Cornell.
Commonwealth Rehabilitation Service.DOC
Well this is written after latest Marilyn - she is NICE! - ... quite a few issues! such as WHY. Why do I want to do it - just financial ? parents and rent ? inherit ? Plus the biggie of where would my CURRENT skills be used - schools? business? look on the web ?? she's on web! .... look in papers>.....
Then there's the question of temperament! (I did bring up fact that SOME of people with Schizophrenia are quite creative - if a bit disorganised! Laing ....) After so many years can I discipline myself to a routine and having to show up no matter what! hmm... How will I assess how I'm going - stress level - I am a BIT better at handling things and the more often I try something new and actually enjoy it ...
They get our Newsletter! and I mention new CEO and dynamic and improved atmosphere at Leonard .... Where is Excel 97 used .... where to find out? TAFE ???
THEN there are the notes for if & when I do actually.... such as:
* BREATHE * STRETCH * POEMS
* ZEN * WALK * VOICE & WHISTLE AND FLOW!
* Confidence ... is a funny thing ... plus humour plus...
* Refresh .... more ? ... mate if it isn't INSTINCTIVE ...
Plus the other "coping" sections ... sheee.... The new poems - see "More Ideas .TXT" - especially the Sensible Man poem! Added to after I vote! (for the Alien Magic Party - they control my mind!) and this which equally applies to individuals ... and choices...
People are too hard on politicians - you cannot honestly expect them to be any better because the world is a vastly complex and evolving place. It is in fact more complex and changing faster than ever before. So the best pollys can do is guess. I would vote for anyone who admitted this is our best guess and is worth trying rather than these religious type statements of God-like certainty - Geooff dogmatic is the word you are lookin for! .... because you simply cannot be sure if the approach that has worked in the past will continue to work or to be the best approach .. send it .. why bother ..
It keeps coming!!! After internet (python, win 95, Eakes, tips, ballot etc) ... I can only describe things from my POINT of VIEW. That's what the poems are all about - an attempt to convey what it has been like. I would describe it as having psychedlic experiences without chemical inducement like LSD !
I seem to have this instinctive mistrust of convention, be it in sport, relig, or approach to life via concepts. So, in a world based largely on conventional ideas I will never fit in terribly well, it is always going to be a balancing act as to how much contact I wish to have with convention and its advocates (and whether the reasons are strong enough to endure it)
...............................see page 2 - it never ends .... argh ........
Then why rehab at all! well I am ambivalent argh .... write to parents? Publisher? and the poems ?? It is a different point of view!! .... I suspect a lot of people are very reluctant adopters of conventionality and could never articulate it as I have. They seem to have a vague uneasiness they could never express too well (except in violence of word or deed??) Also very few get the opportunity to live as unconventionally!! Hmm... THEN! new poem The Psychotic Dream! (or True Identity??) Quite apart from the fact society ONLY continues if enough conform to prevent utter chaos! Yet it's the unconventional who produce most of the entertainment!!
Now what! Oct 7, 1998 (11 degrees when 2 days away from being able to use gas for heating! thanks! And briefly the old anger resurfaces! Well, it is AMAZING it doesn't happen more often! "If I have to become like them to survive I'd rather be dead! In fact you'd have to do a lobotomy on me! I don't know how people live the way they do -and I don't WANT to know! It makes me SCREAM! People are so stupid I cannot believe they are real!
Then of course, you guessed it, five mins later manic burst! you are INSANE! but I keep saying! when it hits it is intense and likely to do something impulsive!
Oh yeah there was a bit of the old nastiness like Pepole deseve psychopaths in fact they are directly responsible for creating them! I really wish I could vaporise all the dull and pathetic! and all the bullshit artists! It wouldn't leave too many alive but that's the BIG problem - the human population has reached plague proportions! Boy ....
Same day as this gem? - memo to the Democrats. There is an old adage If you try and please everyone you'll end up pleasing no-one. They talk about making the GST fair. I'd really like them to show me one piece of legislation in the entire history of Western civilisation that is 100 % fair to every single member of society. It is unfortunate but it cannot be done. So it always gets down to debating opinions as to which is the fairest way to proceed. The Democrats have to ask themselves whether their small % of the vote means that people share their opinion. Politicians are very fond of making dogmatic statements when in fatc all they are doing is expressing an opinion. send it ?
Very same day! I actually read something! That huge book of quotations I may give Dad for Xmas from the book club. Boy, I thought I could write! - Lennon, Keays, Laing, Russel, Bible, happiness, madness ...maybe I should keep it! Mate, that is WHY they are famous! Then again! nothing quite like my psychotic poems! or Pathways! As if you'd be the first to have his thoughts wander along such lines. Maybe wandered to further extremes than most except Nietzsche - who went mad! Also Orwell ... but no Shipton or Nostradamus!? Hmm... NOT to mention the other books lying around the Lounge! like Tao of Pooh, Return of the Gods, Awakening to Zen, Nostradamus or OFFICE then again I rarely even practice shee....
Next day (after Newsletter & Jo & print a couple....) see pocket sheet for work & "everyday" as if! Printed on the reverse side of Identity Crisis poem! - add these reminders - Valerian? Read? Take books I mentioned? Internet - ZDNET, MEDICAL, YAHOO, PAPERS, PEOTRY, UFO, MAGS ETC... Plax Manic surge lately - will it continue?
Subatomic aliens on one micro! Qld 98 - photos+swim+O'Reilly's+Yowies+Balms+Rochford+Mahjong+Rumi+read Tao on plane + piggy-back + Jenga +++ "I'm not mad. I'm a remote-controlled robot from outer space." Stretch & PC progs!
It also listed all poems/articles .. boy ... now hows about actually reading em... Laugh & humour & Seinfeld! Tapes?
Oh it keeeeeps comin! - See a txt file called "Holy Christ manic surge continues!" - more for CRS doc ! and sites and Newsletter directions and .... oh plus Di and password!!! she is still intrigued...
Boy! .....
Then - oh now I am confused! There is PRINTHIS.TXT, MORE IDEAS.TXT, REVISED VERSION OF JOURNEY FOR LEONARD AND PASSWORD, THIS ONE, PRINT THESE.DOC AND ARE THEY ALL ... OH DOES IT MATTER... I NEVER READ....... PLUS POEMS... ARGH ....
Here's some from ONE PC trip ......
VERY next day! pc swapmeet - God!!!!! you could go mad! I end up buying Bookshelf 98, Library of Future, Encarta 98 $10? datecrack??, and pc trouble shooter but hte range is unbelievable!!!!!!! Saw Print master Gold & Hallmark - but Publisher does as well? wizards? Plus Cooking, every conceivable reference subject, 75 years NFL, clipart, fonts, teach yourself, kids, god.... plus trivia for xmas? plus Corel Wordperfect 8 (Ireckon word97 is superb!) plus adapters Keyboards systems! ($600 for box with no monitor etc - RING about upgrade! plus cd recordables plus plus..... YET!!! on the way there I write this! - John was starting to wonder if his biggest problem was ambivalence. Maybe you couldn't live on the knife edge between sanity and madness and expect to do justice to either. There were times he was absolutely convinced that his best option would be as complete an
isolation from society as possible. Yet, at other times he was equally convinced of the opposite point of view. He felt as if he was being pulled in two diametric opposite directions at once. Surely his mind must snap eventually. He was beginning to realise that once you question absolutely everything then you can never be sure of anything ever again.
So, the pc meet is ironic in 2 ways! (a) Well, it ideally illustrates the
ambivalence! To cling to something that is currently booooming in society and can be
discussed! (b) My work OUGHT to be in the reference collection! alongside Lewis Carrol
& Joyce! As the greatest psychotic masterpiece in history! Well, it works for me! Others
are far too timid and pay the price! YET! Ultimately I dearly wish I had absolutely
nothing to write about! My writings only occur in a world I see as absurd & confused &
lost. Seeeee more ideas.txt for even more bizarre poems .... Christ .....
In a blinding flash of revelation he realised all the philosophers had missed a vital point. God is not sane, people are. Sanity is an unnatural state forced upon people in order to sustain a physical existence. Since god is not a physical being, he has no need to be sane. It blew his mind.
I am the next madman you will ever need
I am joined by fifteen angels (and devils)
I laugh as they fly around my head
I find a shoe and softly wear it I used to walk around like an angry mutant
I see the world and grin and bear it I used to scream into the face of madness
I squeeze my life into a cave I was a flame in the ocean of blood
Free to scream and rant and rave I was a screaming mutant in a tree
If heaven is full of people like you
I'd rather be in an angel's zoo ,........ work on that aews! and into Di copy ??.....
Pure Nonsense
I used to believe in the worst of life I used to believe in the rimless roimzy
I used to believe in the blextroid of knives I used to believe in tiny fairies that
I was a sponge in a crime of the insane Spread happiness dust on people as they
I was jesus in his early lives Sleep in the nightmare of normality
I used to believe in the shame of life I used to believe in all the little barking
I used to believe in the plink of ploinkly I was a number in an equation in your blood
I was a spectator in the lives of the insane Where is all the barking and all the barking
NUMBERS
I was a mutant priest in a holy cave I used to be an angel in a jar of mud
Include random brainwave as a memory......
It never ends.... I never let-it-go ... I do have an astonishing mind - perhaps an astonishinglt twisted mind - I hav surviced things maybe noone should survive - I honestly believe that often the price of survival is WAY WAY too high! - look around you ....then after more mahjong internet! ... and prophecy ... - a reword of an old favourite! -
As I said to Di - I feel amazingly well, for no reason at all. But why shouldn't that happen! People go thru their lives thinking you should only feel fantastic if X, Yor happens. This seems to me to be a very limiting belief. If you assume people can't feel fantastic for "no reason at all" then there is very little chance it will happen.
That on day where printer occupied for 50 mins solid!!?? yet I "sent" poems and quotes about madness & suicide & Nietzsche! .. oh well .. Relativity - People think their names are real People live in a spinning wheel People see through cosmic eyes People love to be surprised
You could always write on rear of printouts!
TAFE2.DOC WAS A TABLE OF POEMS IN WORD 6 FORMAT....
Here's a file called Marilyn!.doc - still aint printed .. argh ....
Boy! One day at CRS - Marilyn! Oct 98
[All this after Tafe & classifieds? for Mahjong Table? and Paul Erdos & Mathmania site! Plus X files episode on cockroaches! then as I walk to Commonwealth Rehabilitation Service - McCartney book $40 to $8! and kids stuff - Rose birthday Sunday & Wall Clock as present? or Titanica or ...hey internet mail order ??]
Anyways, Absolutely STAX!!! esp early days when I thought I was the only person in history before I kew it had a name and the days back before medication and programs like Leonard etc! it was basically institutionalisation! ... plus "personality clashes" and sometimes you can't put your finger on it but you just don't like a certain person (no pun?) plus anticipatory anxiety esp when new things coming up and people ...
And episodes and in my case they can come out-of-the-blue with no obvious trigger and HOW MUCH has changed in a year!! and TAFE & Newsletter hasve been good confidence-builders! and tree-lop and babysit and employment history and ...
Luck I have skills and aptitude in one of areas that is expanding! Plus I'm also bloooody lucky in accomodation! Some are sharing with others who have problems - that would stress me out! Plus I am good at self-monitoring (I have to be!) and the warning signs and I now breathe and CALM myself down ... Plus HSC and one huge exam! and I was brilliant student and Hardin and slide rules and calculators and some of Pure Maths I did at the Uni I still don't know how I passed...
Even Guardian angel giving me a shove! ... boy!! ..... plus Chris idea of inteviewing people and putting it in Newsletter led to discussing how I am and I have been good as part of a team but not a leader? Yep. it has been good as a group that organises and assembles the Newsletter. Even went into my "walkabout" in Defence job! and work trial NOT as stressful? if can be allowed slack and not really being "paid" ... plus stax!! ...
Plus strategies for getting through a "bad" day when required to be at work - yeah, you can discuss and theorise all you want but the actual EXPERIENCE is the key ... Oh, plus! the more often I anticipate a stressful time yet handle it quite okay builds confidence... boy! all that in 3 hours (well, 1 plus 1 really!) ...
Even drugs and I have never taken any (you wouldn't know it from the poems!) and these days apparently the marijuana is stronger and can induce psychosis! ...
People ask me to ruin their lives - I tell them that madmen live in hives - etc ...
I was born to share my views - I was born to bend the fuse - I was born to find new ways - I was born to fill your days ....
Okay, here is list of sites ?? - and PRINT !!!!!! well I cut those out - do a print out or pocket sheet there's stax mainly sparked by Dad & Erdos! Leads to Knotplot, Dr Matrix etc etc....
Then a week or so later (after!!! Olivia and 6 am to midnight and bunyip & third twin & then 4 double limit! W/o a Unique Wonder .... And leading up to Dandenong Valley job support & Knotplot & Dr Matrix & puzzle sites & free email address? At thinks.com ?? and reinstall w95! And even managed a bit of actual study of Office 97 in hour wait for PC as busier due to exams ?? and Leonard ... god .... Anyway ......) ....
Some vintage disdain - sometimes it is as if I am possessed by Nietzsche spirit or someone else's !! - Oldies like "Most people are so dull they should be killed with an axe" & " I'd rather be a brilliant psychotic for one day thatn a normal person for 70 years - but maybe that's just me. Unless you're damn lucky it looks pretty lame to me ..." (People have this vague unexpressed thought that there must be something else life could be but they are too gutless to explore that feeling ... ??? Plus sadly, society wouldn't work unless there was a vast percentage of these dull people. Plus theer's madness in my humour and humour in my madness....plus plus mate .....
plus the old "contamination" idea ... boy!!
And IT JUST keeps coming - mate writing is your stress outlet - and anticipatory anxiety of changes ahead it is hradly surprisin..... here are some out of "boy oh boy.txt" .... [then again HOW many sheets is ya going to carry ?? there are the 2 copies of Identity crisis with tips/hints written ... argh .... And AS I alwayws say! If it doesn't come instinctively you're basically stuffed .....
"I reckon they're good enough to publish" - not just mine - do collection of best ???Then !!!!! 11.4 million on pinball - not too extraordinary you say? well...... it was VERY first time the first ball has survived !!!!! That is after Di and invite to AGM tonight ... struth.... a lot lately including I think 16 mill with first ball ?? and stax other - this one it allowed me to go on! but I only kept it going a few more seconds aews !!!! geee.... manic continues....Very next one 32.9 mill !!! but! I was onto 8th ball! Not a true indicator
But FIRST 1+3+5 million in ages!!! plus a further 5 mill! Oh, one recently was 32.6 million in 5 balls with a zero!!!!! I truly am erratic !!!
Then, OK the end of along day!!! but the old Geoff emerges! Why do I bother! esp 5 days before cup bbq !!?? Standing around in large groups having a chit-chat is never my idea of fun. I couldn't stand to be there a moment longer. THAT is why I haven't considered return to work mainly the social aspect.... Sometimes I REALLLY do feel
like an alien! Or I must be dreaming all this bullshit! .... donm't write this ...it gets to the point where I just want to scream ...
And as always! endless post mortems !!!! long after anyone else has totally forgotten.... [ oh plus also got $35 & 5 payments!!] ... plus CAG - ah! could import one image and see which CAG file altered! there are several !!! ... anyway the post-mortems ...Yep, the old expression a fish-out-of-water is exactly it! Then imagining being
questioned by Di and saying oh what was it - it was brilliant phrasing of things i'd never say! .... well I really do see those concepts as artificial and even laughable but he did write one thing I agreed with - EMPOWERMENT - unfortunatley I tend to agree with Nietzsche in saying if you don't empower yourself you're basically stuffed. I don't say that in a heartless way, I wish more people did empower themselves but VERY few manage to do it in a way which isn't artificial and fairly tame. Of course, I doubt if society could function iftoo many people shared my point of view (pun?) God....
Then I go off and argh !!!!!!!!!! Mathlab 20 plus minutes of staying on one screen to make sure download doesn't falter and jesus!!!! disk faulty! christ!!!!!!!!!!! Plus 2 guide books to web and many many sites to check out ..... plus yet another poem! (as I said to Dawn yesterday - it can be a cathartic thing to do ??) ...Oh yeah, plus the idea of vow of silence and I can see the advantages - no longer devote ANY energy toward keeping up conversational skills .
The other phrasing is better - "bad vibes! - and negative emotional energy. Like a magnetic or electric field & I often pick it up & am affected by it .... well it is VERY real at times ....YET another factor in my choices over past decade - mate - if you reallllly - well it is unpredictable ..... speaking of unpredictable this is written when I expected to be at Deb's for bbq! I keep my record intact of never backing winner! Oh boy, half an hour till I was due to leave and sitting down mulling as I do and anticipating .... (cos I don't see the Webbe relatives a lot) ... I talk myself into giving it a miss! I am unbelievable ...
Is a JOB an absurd dream? I have the BRAIN but people drive me round the bend? It MAY even send a message that I may be a bit better BUT still not at ease in MANY situations! God ... my ideal would be work at home - and that is coming !? (on reflection? Work is less stress? Than a gathering where the main activity is chitchat and interaction hmm...) Yep, Leonard is a special environment in terms of people from similar experience or awareness of it ... yeah Geoff drive yourself round the twist ... I end up (after 6 tails in row!) backing Tie the Knot - the irony selection of all time? I will never "tie the knot" but I do tie myself up in konts!(over "nothing" people would say!) And recent Knot Theory pages! As it was a huge plunge (aews!) comes off! On light weight mare with 3200 form! And anticipated result (also ironic?) of overseas dominance does NOT eventuate!
And near vintage anger walkin to TAB !!?? - that is the reality of schizophrenia - a relapse can be triggered by stress, and stress is whatever you perceive it to be ... mate ... even fleeeting idea a la Oct 97 - sell KGP and give me my share and goodbye. Also ironically, my bet was never in the hunt at all!! And the plunge horse WAY better on Tote ... argh .... Mate ambivalence is THE word - if it were clear cut one way or tother you'd go that way and hope for the best as one of recent poems states .... (also brief resurface of "illusion" theme and I should take the plunge and act on it and seee what happens - even the new slant that it's like level 1 of a game and never get to level 2 without extreme act ... Di would love to hear that! - or the less extreme idea of just go verbally berserk to end all chance of ever being "expected" to play those silly social games ... the KIDS are the one big incentive NOT to just say stuff this I am sick of the charade .... Mate! You are a lunatic ...